The Green Mile

Make sure to wet your sponge this week before strapping in and joining us on the long walk down The Green Mile. Did anyone else read this book when they were a little too young? Maybe just me? 

Intro clip of Trixie Mattel from this episode of UNHhhh 

Tom Hanks Movie Tier List (do your own ranking of Tom Hanks' sex appeal, and vew our lists on Instagram) 

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:01.41)
Some of my favorite movies, The Green Mile? Ugh. Let me see. Okay, Star Wars about time, Crazy Green Mile. See, this is why you're here. The Green Mile. I only recently realized- The Green Mile? Great, this is good. The Green Mile? The Green Mile?

Hey lady, come over and we'll pop some popcorn. Let's have a strawberry margarita and watch the green mile with my cat. The green mile. You really hung up on that. Trixie Mattel screaming about the green mile. Too iconic to not start this episode off with because I'm not going to try to do one of the quotes from this movie because I don't think it falls into a category that that's absolutely not okay for me to be doing.

Hi, welcome to the swamp. It's like the word swamp but spelled the same but in all caps because it's an acronym. Stands for some whack ass movie podcasting. And we're doing Stephen King month, feels I feel like on the whole maybe kind of like politically ill timed. He's been like

being kind of shitty on X the everything app and has expressed some political views as of late that I'm just like, can we back it up? Can we back it up? So I was gonna say, we're in this timeline now where, and I always think of this tweet that goes back to like saying like, what is it? I think it's really cool that the left has their own Mel Gibson, which is in reference to Sean Penn.

But at the same time, do feel like there's a handful of people that fall under that. And I think Stephen King is one of them. Wait, was that somebody said that recently because of one battle after another? Or was this like an old thing? I know it is a character in and of himself. Exactly. No, I think it was a husband from a little bit older, maybe. But it was something about him talking about having melted down, like given his.

The SWAMP (02:11.284)
Oscars and just accolade trophies to Zelensky and saying here melt them down and use them as bullets against the Russians. I'm recalling that now. Yeah, that was him. That is so unhinged. Do we think he'll get another one for his performance? Honestly, I think he'll get a nom. Absolutely. To me, if we want to take a quick break before we get into the Green Mile, before we walk the Green Mile together.

We can do modern film corner. Please, please, please. I'm thinking it'll definitely get Oscar noms. I think it's going to be this year's, like, the Academy being like, we're so woke. Absolutely. ooh, look at us. We're so woke. Like, all of you are like shitty billionaire Zionists. you're like, ooh, a pat on the back because we're recognizing Sean Penn's performance. No, they're going to go 10 toes down on it, I believe. Absolutely. Yeah.

I do wonder if Leonardo will get the another Oscar nom, I'm guessing probably. But it's yeah, like you said, it's just them being so hypocritical, especially like Leonardo DiCaprio is like planning to build Jeff Bezos's like, what is it? It's Alcovite and Tel Aviv. yes.

So much, we cannot neglect. You're such a woke fucking movie. Yeah, go fuck yourself. No, honestly, I feel like they're revving this whole award season up. It's gonna be Timothy Chalamet for Marty Supreme. it's gonna be Leo. And it's like, Timmy's the new Leo. like, what is the, you know, we're gonna put the two of them side by side to, you know, show actors. Okay, I'm firstly very excited about Marty Supreme. We're recording this on like what?

October 7th and there's a lot of buzz coming out today from, I don't know where it showed. There was like a pre-screening. Yeah. And it's getting a lot of buzz already, like career defining performance for Timothee Chalamet, of course. He's talking about how he's playing ping pong back in 2018 to prepare for this shit. It's crazy. But I'm really excited for that same thing about Bob Dylan though. And that movie was corny. Oh, I believe it. But I think he's a man that preps.

The SWAMP (04:29.006)
Yeah, so I am excited to see that one actually. whatever, don't, I wouldn't mind a big Timmy, Leo Oscar season narrative, whatever. Well, would to see Timmy get his win, obviously. I think Leonardo DiCaprio, which this might be a hot take. I think he's fine in this. I was not wowed. think it's-

Yeah, I think it's about almost any actor could have probably done it. I think it's a middle-aged white guy. It's literally a half step away from his Once Upon a Time in Hollywood character. It did not feel like a huge jump for me. Yeah, he kind of feels always the same for me. Pretty one note, but that's just my take. I was wowed by everyone else's performances. Well, know what performances wowed me were those of almost everyone in the green mile I thought was really serving.

serving it up. I guess I could say one dimensional a little bit on Tom Hanks, but I always feel that way about him. He's supposed to be like the everyman and he's this like Christ like embodiment of good. like, has he ever really played villains? I'm like looking at this big tearless two-made. But he's always so wholesome. No, not that I've seen. He, yeah, he's your grandpa, no matter how old he is.

But there's something sinister about Tom Hanks as like an actual guy to me because he raised Chet. I'm like, what? I don't think Chet has... Do you think Chet is just a product of his time? I think he's a product of his time. I don't think that Tom is to really be too faulted here. I think, how many kids does he have? It's at like three boys, right? A Or something like that. A few. Yeah, I think if you have more than two, you're bound to get a wonky one.

And even with two, you're probably gonna get a wonky one. I think Chet is his own man. think that I'm seeing- You think Tom is not to blame? He's blameless in all of this? Not blameless, but I do see, I see a past where Tom really tried to intervene and set Chet down a path and then eventually threw his hands up and said, kid's gonna do whatever he wants.

The SWAMP (06:45.336)
This is not the same in any way, but I have like a personal Neppo baby that I just, like, I cannot stand and it's Guy Fieri's son. Guy Fieri is always putting his fuck ass son, his name is Hunter and they're always like, and let's go, and he does like sports commentary, but for the food channel, it's like, let's go over and see what's going on with Hunter. he just, has no stage presence. has no charisma on the a guy.

It's, I'm like, you don't have to be on the Food Network just cause you're Guy Fieri's son. You can just be a quiet nepo baby. But respect the quiet nepo babies. He looks like a mix of Adrian Brody and that really shitty, bad and racist comedian. God, I can't think of his name off the top of my head, but anyone that sees what this man looks like. But okay, The Green Mile. let's jump into it. Cause this is the first time I had watched this movie in full. I read this book in eighth grade. I'm sure.

And it was kind of formative to me in the sense that it was a pretty intense subject matter. But also, as a forming eighth grade, eighth grader brain, you're understanding that you can have reverence or respect for something, but maybe also not like it at the same time, or recognizing that something is good, but maybe that you have complicated feelings about it personally.

It's starting to understand that about literature as you start reading more complex things, I guess. But I had read eighth grade was the big SSR year, which is sustained silent reading, which is what you get in public school, where after lunch you just get 20 minutes to read a book so that the teachers can do their desk work and shit. And you have to read a book. And if you don't, you're a bitch ass. You couldn't do your homework either. Some kids would try to do their homework, and you're like, no.

Can't do no more. You have to read a book. You have to at least stare at a page and pretend to read. But I was on my Stephen King kick and I had read Carrie and then I was like, let me take a pivot and let me read The Green Mile. And then I was sort of like, I don't know about this. Now I should step back from Stephen King for a while after that. makes sense. Yeah, Carrie seems like a really formative one for a young woman, especially in the eighth grade to read. And I think that it feels more appropriate than, of course, The Green Mile.

The SWAMP (09:07.342)
I think sustained silent reading was a place where you kind of just end up reading fucked up shit because I remember reading a child called it during SSRI and that shit is a SSR. Not SSRI. my god, my SSRI for the day is the 20 minutes of book reading I get to do when I make myself read 100 pages of a book to like knock myself.

What I'll do is I'll lock all of the social media apps on my phone and I literally and I say you are not allowed to look at this until you read until chapter three of a real fucking book. Touch grass, touch a page. I mean, that's good that you do that and then you make yourself SSRI.

Yeah, they're taking away our pills left and right. We're going to be at the loony farm just making ourselves read to stay. Book club. Book club at the loony bay. book at the, what is it, Briar... Briar Hell Mental Facility.

Oh my God. We can all curb stomp Officer Percy together after we finish reading A Court of Thorns and Roses as a group. I would love nothing more. Yeah, where do you really start with this movie though? Because again, okay, so you had the background. I had only ever seen probably bits and pieces of this movie on cable. Cable.

I mean, it's one of those movies. It's fucking three and a half hours long. So you throw it slap that shit on cable. Hey, it's shade over three a shade over three three and a half minus it's like 303 303 sorry three hours long Pardon me and you do feel every minute of it But I had seen bits and pieces probably I had I had definitely seen

The SWAMP (11:05.006)
just about that 30 minutes where there's focused on Dell's execution basically. The botched execution. The botched execution. Yeah, that whole Stephen King was in his mind palace and he was like, okay, we need to cook up a new one. Let's just work backwards from, and he like spin the wheel, spin the wheel. Yeah, botched execution. How do we get there? And then.

like work backwards, honestly. research, oh, the wedding, the sponge, this is fucking perfect. He's just not gonna wet the sponge. Who's the guy who doesn't wet the sponge? Let's, oh, villainous. Yeah, easy. This is a piece of cake. He turned this out two days, but. Well, he wrote this in 96, I think, and it's a movie in 99. So this is the Stephen King trend of like, he cranks out a book and immediately they're on a movie deal. And this book.

In particular, actually, so if we want a little bit of lore, this book came out in six installments a month at a time. Oh my God. he knew his fans were the type of people who will skip to the end. And he was like, this is a good one, and I don't want you all skipping to the end. I like that.

So over a six month period time of the year, they were like little novellas and it was the six parts of The Green Mile. And then of course, now it's just sold as one fatty 500 page book. my god, he really edged them. Yeah. He's like, wait, this one's going to be good. He's going to.

explode flies out of his mouth and that's evil. was gonna say, yeah, having read the book, I would love to hear a little bit about where the discrepancies are from script to screen. So it was quite a while ago. Like I said, I was in eighth grade when I read it and I have not revisited the text since, but I have seen the movie a handful of times. Like you said, it's a cable classic. It's directed by Frank Darabont who

The SWAMP (13:01.676)
also did the Shawshank Redemption and The Mist, which is another Stephen King one. Yeah, it's right there, obviously. to me, The Green Mile is very much like the part two or like the compendium to Shawshank. Absolutely. They were both like free on demand movies running on cable all the time that you can kind of jump into whenever at any point. if you know the story and then just watch to the end, right? You're like, it's three hours, but like I only caught the last 90 minutes of it or you know.

a random chunk of 90 minutes in the middle and you still get something out of it. playing the entire time that your mom vacuums the whole house, you know? Yeah, yeah, real. Except that is kind of terrible to think, like, let me just toss on the green mile. Let me just put on the green mile while I do my chores. But I don't know, that is kind of a vibe. Sometimes you just need the calming presence of Tom Hanks.

Exactly. I mean, which he is very Forrest Gump as well. He's got the tea. He's got the cable classics. Yeah, he was a Forrest Gump. So this ties in, as we know, because Lieutenant Dan. Yes, yes, yes, yes. For like a cameo, basically. I would say what had happened was Frank Darabont was directing The Shawshank Redemption and he wanted Tom Hanks to play Andy Dufresne. Of course.

there was discussion about it. And then Tom Hanks was like, I'm so sorry, I got to go do this movie Forrest Gump. And they were like, OK, understood. then he makes Josh Anke. They reconnect later and are like, hey, let's try to make this work. And then that's where The Green Mile kind of starts happening. But yeah, it seems to be this like, you

we're referencing Forrest Gump on like a fourth wall breaking level by just bringing Lieutenant Dan in. It's very like 90s, it's 90s like Hollywood. Like the stars are really carrying this film kind of energy. Which I'm like, do we need to be doing that here? Which this is very much a fun movie to play your game and clock some niche actors. There's a good handful in that that come up.

The SWAMP (15:10.638)
Lieutenant Dan, there is that one prisoner from the beginning who was a Twilight guy. He was in New Moon. the first execution. So this movie is about death row. It's death row prisoners and Tom Hanks is the prison guard with a heart of gold question mark. he's all these prison guards. Back when you could just do this just to get a paycheck. Right. It's it's 1935 in Louisiana and

Tom Hanks, along with another pretty tight-knit crew of prison guards who are all fairly respectful to the prisoners. think because it's a death row situation, they're like, OK, this is pretty somber. As long as everyone stays chill and doesn't make a fuss, we're going to be generally chill to you. Exactly. for Officer Percy, who's coming in and being abusive. Yeah, a little shitty nepo baby. But that's some context for Tom Hanks' character. You were asking about the difference between the book and the movie. I don't remember.

too much of the book, but I do remember a lot of the characters feeling more conflicted or not being purely good or bad. More like Tom Hanks' character in the book was more just a guy trying to do what he thinks is best. Sure, Whereas Tom Hanks always comes off as just this moral beacon of rightness. Yeah, it's God. That's God. Right. So I feel like this one is very much more like all the characters are very black and white. Like John Coffey is good.

Uh, Percy is home. It's good. Percy is bad. Wild Bill is bad. Like the good and evil forces in the world and you know, the transference of good and evil forces through a magical bees. Bees in his mouth. There's some bees in his mouth.

The SWAMP (17:00.758)
No, can we talk about who, what is that actor's name that played John Coffey though? Because- Michael Clarke Duncan, Rest In Peace. He's really iconic. was in Armageddon. He's been in a lot of stuff actually, but he was in Armageddon with Bruce Willis and Bruce Willis recommended him to be in this movie because I read somewhere that the other two people that they were considering were Vang Rheims and Shaquille O'Neal. Shocker. my God. Can you imagine?

Is that real? I'm like, is that true? But apparently Bruce Willis was like, I know the guy who's going to be perfect for this. And it just sort of all worked itself out that he really was the perfect. He's like the emotional center of this movie very much. he delivers a really beautiful, beautiful and emotional performance. it is kind of one note. And obviously the character of John Coffey is like something to be discussed. Like the movie.

has an element of addressing race, right? Because they're in the South. then it doesn't, because then we just get put in this isolated environment. And there are certain instances of racism. the umbrella of it being a thing to consider is there. But it's not actually dealt with. No, it's exceptionally contained. The whole movie is told from the perspective of a 108-year-old Tom Hanks. Yeah. Yeah. Old-ass Tom Hanks.

to his new girlfriend at the retirement home. He's like, you'll never believe what happened to me. And it's like him retelling this story with like sort of a sheen of fondness and nostalgia for it. It's like what was happening was actually so severely fucked up. But it like is all through this white guy's lens who was like, and I really got something out of it because now I'm going to live forever. I don't know. I don't know if you can say that because it's his whole thing. He's like, well, I've watched everyone.

die, I am paying the price for murdering one of God's angels, because that's sort of the whole lens that this is told through. Obviously, at Stephen King, there's this supernatural element. John Coffey can essentially bring people back from the dead, heal ailments, X, Y, and Z.

The SWAMP (19:12.878)
And yeah, I take the bad and he expels it from his mouth and all the flies come out. And Stephen King always uses flies to be like death very much because it's like, obviously like corpses and symbolism. But yeah, the bees out of the mouth is very jarring. you've the first if it's your first time watching the green mile, it's sort of like, oh, and we're really taking a turn here by having him expel bees out of his mouth, like to just touch.

And heel would be one thing, but it's like the bugs, it's a choice. We watched this with a friend of the pod, Alyssa, my sister, and she came in and I told her, she didn't really know anything about this movie. She's not a Stephen King girl by any means. She was reading The Click back in the day when you were reading Stephen King.

The click, oh my God. Classic, classic. bringing me Shout out to the click, dude. Oh my God. But she had, I gave her the forewarning. was like, it's Stephen King. It's gonna be a little fucked up. And heavy, yeah. And so she read some of the Wikipedia, basically. And I mean, yeah, when you zoom out and read, well, he heals his urinary tract infection by grabbing his dick and then

barfing up flies. It does come off a little corny. But in practice, obviously, this movie was fantastic. And honestly, feel like moments like that, like starting off with Tom Hanks's UTI, that he's like groaning and grunting and pissing in the yard and like just he is on a bender of he keeps calling it a

a bladder infection or what did he say? Oh yeah, a urinary infection or whatever. I'm gonna call it what it is, babes. That's a UTI. I'll tell you what, I was immediately impressed because this is not the first time we are introduced to Tom Hanks in a disgusting piss-filled way. Yeah, you clocked this. That man is on screen pissing and groaning. I mean, at least twice. I haven't seen a good chunk of his movies, but I was sitting there.

The SWAMP (21:31.532)
And we come in hot with Tom Hanks pissing razor blades, essentially. Yeah, he's complaining about the piss. He's doing wide loads of hot piss. loads of hot piss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, but you were referencing A League of Their Own where he comes in and does a 90 minute piss. 90 minute piss. It was just one of those things. It's like, well, what is it? What's that fucking Phineas and Ferb quote?

That's like, like I'd have to, what is it? If I had a nickel for every time that Tom Piss, Tom Hanks showed up on my screen pissing in earnest, doing wide loads of hot I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's it happens twice. Yeah, I'm like, how many times as an actor does it get old? Like, as a woman, I can imagine having to do a birth scene.

Like, especially if you're a period actor, you know what I mean? Like at a certain point you just get like, I'm sure you're just really good at it. Cause you're like, okay, I gotta scream my head off and everything like that. Tom Hanks, pro pisser. Yeah, he's like sweaty.

Cause this movie's, everyone's always sweaty cause they're in Louisiana, but you know he's extra sweaty because his UTI is fucking him up. Oh yeah, yeah, no. We, we settle on, this is a three hour movie and the topic of the UTI is the, at the forefront of the first hour. first third, yeah. First third, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, first act pissed based. The second act is probably, what is it? We Get Real Heavy. I'd say probably like,

Dell. Execution. Dell is maybe the second act. And then we're healing magic. Yeah, the miracles of the Prison break for healing magic. Yeah. Tom Hanks is in charge of death row. We get basically the stories and executions of all the prisoners going through in this one particular time in his life. And John Coffey was caught with two young girls out in a field and they were

The SWAMP (23:39.736)
dead and had blood on them and he was holding them and he's crying and screaming. And of course, everyone in the town runs up and then you're basically just forced to draw your own conclusion that since all the townspeople saw him with these two dead girls that they all were just like, okay, obviously he's the only black person in this entire movie. like, okay. And then basically then it cuts to him being in prison on death row for this crime, which we.

then learn through magical touch, memory sense transfers that he did not do. And that he does have these God-like powers where he can heal and that he was trying to help the girls and take their pain away. He keeps saying, I tried to help it. I tried to take it back, which is sounding like an admission of guilt. Yes, I tried to take it back, but it was too late. It was too late. Yeah, I tried to help. I tried to take it back or whatever.

But he is fully absolved. We do learn that he did not do the crime. And then Tom Hanks learns this. And then because he also learns about these healing powers because he's like, hey, come here. sense, I can feel through my magic sense that you have a UTI. And he grabs Tom Hanks' dick. And then Tom Hanks is like, holy shit, that's crazy. I have to go home and fuck my wife. And then he does. And Bonnie Hunt is like- loads.

Bonnie Hunt is like, okay, what is going on here? And I have to say, I do remember in the book, it is described of him being like literally in his wife when he's like, this guy cured my uti, or like, like literally explaining and him being like, I feel so bad, like, and like getting emotional and telling her like the story of John Coffey, like mid-coitus. crazy, crazy.

What's her name? Jan? Bonnie Hunt is Jan. She kind of served in this movie. Absolutely, she served. She was so horned up. She was like, he dicked me down and now we have to do a prison break so he can heal my friend. So basically the warden of the prison's wife has brain cancer or full body. The size of a lemon in her skull. End of life type shit. And it's getting very bad, very fast. She also, I remember the part about her swearing. Sure.

The SWAMP (25:55.906)
was like a really bad, like she says some heinous shit. Like Stephen King is using that as an outlet to just say some heinous shit as this woman whose brain like is degrading. They kept it pretty, pretty mild in the movie, but like, she's swearing a lot and she's not like herself anymore because of this brain tumor. And he's as the husband, he's really struggling with that. So basically Tom Hanks is like, we have to break John Coffey out of prison so he can go heal the warden's wife, which never in this, are they ever like,

and then we'll ask to get him released. And then we will challenge the system and get this magical man free from the situation. And then was like, and then we just, then we had to execute him. Tom Hanks was like, and I feel really shitty about it. And John Coffey's like, understand, it's the way it is. And the whole thing is under the guise of like, it's 1935 Louisiana. There is nothing they could have said or done to make people believe. But I'm like, but.

You could have just had him heal a bunch of people's ailments. Right, that's the thing. At no point in this movie, besides to his wife, does Tom Hanks try and explain what is going on. Because of course, there's this whole big scene with the mouse. All the other prison guards see the mouse come back to life after the poor thing's been stomped. So obviously they're all privy to it. But you go...

and you watch him bring John Coffey to the warden's wife, just unloading this giant man. And essentially all they do is just go, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh,

Don't worry about it. And that's the whole scene. And then he goes and sucks her cancer up, obviously. But I'm like, you couldn't even try to just be like, hey, bud, this guy's a miracle from God. Just roll with me here. Real quick, he cured a bunch of our shit. We saw him bring a mouse back to his dick. might be helping us. My hard as a rock. I haven't gone down since, actually. It's been kind of an issue.

The SWAMP (28:09.902)
But yeah, there's literally no attempt to make any sort of plea for this man's life, of course. Even though there's I mean, because that's the whole thing is I at least having never seen this, I thought the warden was not going to buy it and everyone was going to get in trouble because that's the whole thing. It's really high stakes. You're obviously bringing an unchanged man from death row to the warden's.

ill wife's house. You think they're all gonna get, you know, lose their jobs, get put into prison on their own and everything like that. But it's just like, it really is amazing. I'm like, the way that it's like, what we did the one thing we got to do. Yeah, no, for real. And I mean, the treatment of John Coffey's character, like the treatment of like, a like the writers, like how the writers treat him in, like their

expression of him, but then also just like the treatment from other characters is very like, falls into the trope of like noble savage or magical Negro where he's like the one black character who's there to service the white narrative and and that's it. And then we solved our problem and now he just is now a victim of the system. We're not ever going to consider that. And the part in writing him that sort of

gives me pause and gave me pause as an eighth grader, which is why I was kind of like, I don't know how to feel about this. It's like I always had the issue with that the way that they make him gentle is by making him slow and that the only way that he could have been trustworthy or that they weren't going to be afraid of him was that he had to be dumb and that his intelligence was, you and character wise, he has a bunch of scars on him. You can sort of deduce that maybe he was in a slave

situation or, you know, it's the thirties in America. So it's obviously not great. that he, it seems like short of memory in the book as well. Like he can't really even remember the day before. He just knows what he knows and he performs these miracles for these white people. And that's what he's there to do. And that is just not very

The SWAMP (30:31.32)
Creative to me like that's just not an interesting thing like I don't know that we just could have done something better there I think which I think it was just like very much a convenience for the white writers here to be like and he's big and dumb Yeah, no, I wouldn't say that Stephen King is known for his diversity in the slightest. So of course this is no shocker

But yeah, it is really a shame. Oh, and then also it happens in the South because this wouldn't have been in Maine. Yeah, he's like, literally for the life of me can't put this in Maine. So I guess we have to do it in Louisiana. But that being said, I do think Michael Clark Duncan, like really carries the performance with a lot of integrity and depth. Absolutely. And I mean, I still think the Green Mile is a piece of media worth watching. I think it's like also

important to contextualize it. It's 1999 when this comes out and written in the 90s as well. Yeah, maybe the treatment of characters of color or the character, literally one character of color, it's like leaves a lot to be desired, especially when it seems to be like the crux of the whole film is that he was falsely accused because timing, place, but also the race element of it all just kind of, I don't know, seems kind of cheap. I also always hate

the old to young narrator, think that is some of the hackiest shit you can do to establish your narrator in a story. And then let me reflect on a time in my life and it's all from me telling you the story. then cut back to Tom Hanks, like shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, unfortunately having...

It always strikes me very like the notebook. I know so many stories and films have done that before, but like that's always the one that I'm like, so we're doing the notebook.

The SWAMP (32:32.858)
John Coffey what kind of ice cream he wanted with his pie for his last meal they said chocolate or vanilla and he said can I actually just get a key to the back door so I can please leave. My mom is here to do chocolate or vanilla an interim podcast segment where she just says two things and we all say which one we like better.

And if I were John Coffey, I would have liked it a lot better if Tom Hanks had like thrown me a bone and like helped me get out of jail. But whatever, that's just me. John, hi, how are you today? And is there a theme this week? Is it like execution theme? Is it like something incredibly depressing? So there is a theme of Stephen King movies versus Paul Thomas Anderson movies.

Ooh, okay. So Stephen King adaptations versus Paul. So I actually, just made my PTA ranking. I had a conversation with a coworker that led me to, was like, I should do one of those. Cause I have a Christopher Nolan ranking on my letter box. So was like, I should do my PTA one. Cause I've come around and I've seen more than half of them. I still have a few stronglers that I haven't seen like punch drunk love and.

you know, some of the more fringe PTA. But we've all seen one bottle after another. We talked about at the top of the episode. Did you put it at the top of your rankings? Oh, no, it was like in the middle. Really? Yeah. What was your number one? Boogie nights, for sure. Or maybe there will be blood. Boogie nights and there will be blood are really tough. One and two, honestly.

Any given day could change maybe. Yeah, that's fair. That's a fair assessment. The more I think about one battle after another, the more I like it. Yeah. I want to see it again. And a good movie will do that. I think a rewatch is in order for sure. And I've been a lot of the reading reviews and a lot of points of view that I hadn't considered.

The SWAMP (34:41.701)
And know, stuff I missed and stuff. It's like, yeah, the more I read other people's opinions of it, more I'm like, oh, I should go see it again. Because I didn't really view it that way. Yeah, I do think I want to see it again while it's in theaters. I saw an IMAX. I don't know if either of you saw an IMAX. I did not. I wish I did. It was really fucking sick. And now I'm getting, for some reason, I'm getting early psyched for the Oscars. So you guys, did you guys talk about how Green Mile was?

nominated but lost to American Beauty in 2000? No, I did not know. Yeah. So we didn't talk about it, but it was nominated for four Oscars, notably not a lot of Stephen King movies ever even get nominated. Like there's been very few and they only Kathy Bates has ever won on behalf of a Stephen King production. So this movie, I think it was like sound, screenplay, picture and Michael Clarke Duncan. Yeah, supporting actor. And he lost.

he lost to Tom Cruise, who's in Magnolia, which is a Paul Thomas Anderson movie. Okay, okay. Which I would agree with that assessment. I think if you look at the lineup that year, was like Haley Joel Osment. Cub. It was like a really mixed bag, but I agree that it should have gone to Tom Cruise. So here we go. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. Vanilla.

Chocolate. Kujo or Boogie Nights? Boogie Nights. I've never seen Kujo and I don't really know, like, like scary dog. Is there anything beyond like, oh, what's the story of Kujo's? It's just like, it's just like a really aggressive dog, right? Possessed scary dog. Possessed haunted dog. I'm more scared of Dirk Diggler, honestly. Yeah. I'm going to go for, I'm going to go for Boogie.

Wait, it's like that whole thing, like would you rather be trapped in a room with like a man or a bear? It's like Cujo or Mark Wahlberg. Like I'm picking Cujo. I was listening to a podcast that Burt Reynolds clocked PTA in the face, like he punched him on the set of this movie. Yeah, well, because PTA was like 26. He was 26 years old and he was definitely not, you know...

The SWAMP (37:02.41)
in the industry. So I don't think he was speaking to people the way they expect to be spoken to in Hollywood. And a lot of people didn't like that. They were like, why do think you can talk to me like that? And he's like, we're making a movie. I'm sure Burt Reynolds especially. Yeah. Next one is Dreamcatcher or There Will Be Blood. I also have not seen Dreamcatcher. Is that the one?

filmed in Massachusetts? it was filmed at Quabbin Reservoir and it has Timothy Elephant in it who I always like but I honestly don't think I've seen the whole thing. And this movie has a bit of a Timothy Elephant-Deadwood connection because the actress who also plays Katniss's mom

in the Hunger Games. She makes a very brief appearance as the mother of the two daughters who get murked. I clocked that. Everyone's like, wow, you really got that. But I'm like, I don't know her from Hunger Games as much as I know her from Deadwood. And we have Wild Bill, who goes off about Wild Bill Hickok, which is also a thing from Deadwood. So some early 2000s prestige television knowledge really coming to the forefront of my cerebral cortex today.

But yeah, I've never seen Dreamcatcher. So I'll definitely go with There Will Be Blood. That's like one of the all time greats. Yeah, I don't think even if I did see Dreamcatcher that it's gonna stack up to There Will Be Blood. So I'll go There Will Be Blood as well. Yeah, I'm gonna go Dreamcatcher because of Qobin and Timothy. Fair enough. Next one is Firestarter or Phantom Thread? I haven't seen Firestarter, but I know Baby Drew Barrymore is in it.

And it's also like, that's one I feel like I should watch in order to round out my canon of like Stephen King movies about like the shining and powers. It's like fire starter leads to Carrie, leads to the shining. Like, I feel like we could order them in like a progression of understanding the powers. And I honestly feel like the Green Mile might be at the very end. Like that's like the last one. It's like, and Yeah, the final iteration.

The SWAMP (39:00.16)
and then here or maybe Dark Tower at the end to be like, and then it goes all the way to the top to Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, I don't that's a very disappointing finale. Yeah, exactly. I think I'd go Firestarter on this one. Yeah, just I haven't seen Phantom Thread. I'm not particularly interested. I just know that I should.

That's one I've wanted to revisit because we really didn't care for it. We saw it for Oscar Quest. I don't think I really would have seen it otherwise. I remember not really caring for it, but also maybe feeling like I didn't really get it. Whatever was trying to be said, I think maybe went over my head or it was just not resonating with me. I remember being vaguely confused and being like, don't really think I understood the point of that.

That's one that like maybe I'll revisit it and like maybe something will walk into place. For me, people love it. I see people put that really up high on their rankings all the time. I don't get it. There's a couple of really beautiful shots. Don't get me wrong, when they're at that New Year's party, know, the confetti and the balloons falls. It's just like he's...

He's a very talented filmmaker. Just that story, was kind of like, I'm not really following. Yeah, it doesn't interest me, but I will say, yeah, I am more interested in sort of this through line of the powers in Stephen King's series. So I'll go Firestarter on this. Yeah, I'll go Firestarter also. I think they remade Firestarter too. I think they recently, yeah. Yeah. I believe it. Next one is it or a licorice pizza? I'll pick it.

For sure. haven't, actually recently just discovered that the original or original quote unquote, the it from the nineties with Tim Curry in it, isn't a movie. It's a two episode TV series that can be watched as like a four hour movie if you want. it is, it was released as a two episode TV series, which I, never had known that. And I thought that that was

The SWAMP (41:02.04)
kind of interesting, but I have never watched it. I only watched the remake that came out with the Scarsgard and all the fucking Stranger Things kids. And those were coming out when I was right starting college, the It movies. And I I felt like I had outgrown it. It was like, I was like, I don't think this is for.

I don't know, me and then they do the second one where they're adults and I'm like, who fucking cares? It was, yeah, we were a little past its prime, I think, or past the prime age for it. It was very like 16 year old girl. But I hated Licorice Pizza. That is at the bottom of my PTA rankings. Not in a Phantom Threadway where I'm like, I don't think I understand this. I'm like, I understand this and I don't agree with it. And I'm like, and I wish I hadn't seen it. Like I just did not care for that movie.

So I will pick, you know, I will maybe in my life go back and watch the Tim Curry TV series, maybe someday when I'm feeling wild, but I will never revisit Licorice Pizza. I'm all set on that. Sorry, Cooper Hoffman. I'm looking forward to watching the long walk once it comes out on streaming. Yeah, streaming is better with the King stuff. I'm gonna go it as well. I never saw Licorice Pizza.

wasn't anything that really interested me at the time. I would still say that holds true. It was fine. I think it was fun. But yeah, and I would I would probably rewatch the new ones as well. But I am interested to watch the Tim Curry one Queen of October. So. Nice. I'm going to go with like Roast Pizza, even though I didn't like it.

It is way too scary for me. And that's fair. Yeah. Do you have a thing with clowns? I never really got people who don't like clowns. Doesn't everybody? Scary clowns are not fun. No, I was really into the scary clown plot line in American Horror Story. What was it? Twisty the Clown. No, thank you. That really got me. Wait, speaking of Twisty.

The SWAMP (43:12.814)
Percy in this was very much giving Dandy to me from Freak Show. That felt really cut from the same cloth. It's like the voice. I agree. It's like the lisp and the voice. Yeah. Also the queer undertones. Well, yes, and like the sociopathic energy. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Next one is Long Walk or One Battle After Another, the two new ones.

I haven't seen The Long Walk, but I would like to... But there's also a lot of... Now, I felt like I was in a dry spell where nothing was out in the theaters and I wanted to go to the movies. And now, I'm like, I don't have enough time. I have enough time to see everything. Begonia soon. Frankenstein. Is that the Maggie Gyllenhaal one? No, that's The Bride. Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein. Oh, right.

Right, right, right. Well, yes, of course. Yeah, see, it's all coming up way too fast. yeah, I'll have to pick one battle after another because I saw it and I enjoyed it and I am looking forward to maybe seeing it again or I think it'll get nominated for an Oscar. I think for best picture. I think I'll probably rewatch it again before the Oscars so I can have a well rounded view of the candidates. Yeah, I also haven't seen the long walk yet. I've heard it's fantastic.

I'm very excited to see it, but yeah, I think it will still be hard pressed to beat One Battle after another again. So I'll go One Battle just because it was a blast to watch. Yeah, same. I'm going to go with One Battle. I do want to see Long Walk also. I think One Battle is going to get many nominations. agreed. I want to see Long Walk for the JoJo Rabbit Kid.

He's in it? I didn't know he was in it. They got all sorts of child, teen boy actors for this one. Next one is Pet Sematary or The Master, which is from 2012, Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman. I actually just recently watched The Master because I was trying to round out my PTA resume before the new one came out and I was like, should I watch Punch Drunk Love or should I watch The Master?

The SWAMP (45:34.062)
And I chose the master and I'm like, hmm, maybe I should watch Punch Drunk Love. But it does really, if you're a Philip Seymour Hoffman fan, it's like, it is a master class of him just like chewing up the scenery. He plays this like cult leader, this like Scientology type cult leader. And Joaquin Phoenix is this guy who like, drinks like a house cleaner.

You know, he like makes like bootleg liquor with like house cleaners and the Scientology guy is like so into it. He's like, they're like huffing paint together basically. And it's, it's three plus hours long and it's Joaquin Phoenix who like really annoys me. But it did give me a bit of insight into what I think they were trying to go for with the Joker. Like what they, what they were trying to capture with his like unhinged and kind of like laughing at himself.

Joker performance, think, could be traced back to his performance in The Master of like, he's kind of doing the same thing a little bit. I enjoyed it, but I'm like, I'll never watch it again. And I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to someone. like there are way more PTA movies that I would definitely tell somebody to watch before this one. But specifically, you're, if you're wanting a Philip Seymour Hoffman moment,

Even then, would probably recommend other movies to you, but this one was, it was a good performance from him. I'm going to choose it for that reason, just because, I mean, you can't not have a good time with Philip Seymour Hoffman. And what was my other option? Pet Cemetery? Yeah, I haven't seen it. I don't really feel any crazy need to. Henry does an impression of the guy from Pet Cemetery.

where he just talks in a main accent and says, dead is better, or whatever the line from the movie is. I don't know, but he's shown me the clip and then he does it. It's really convincing. So I might have him on while you're away next week, Emily, because you're going to be at a Chicago wedding. I might have Henry just do his pet cemetery impression for an hour. Please. That could be nice. I will go with the master because of.

The SWAMP (47:51.47)
I love an ensemble cast, but I haven't seen either of these either. Oh, Amy Adams is in that, is in that movie too. that actually is one that I wish we had done. you did say that. For Amy Adams, because I'm like, if she were ever to have, people say she's snubbed all the time, but I'm like, for what? It could have been for this. I don't know what she would have theoretically have been up against that year. I don't even, I don't think she was even nominated, but if there were ever a performance of hers to commend, was, this one was very good. Interesting. She held her own. It's like against Waukee Phoenix.

and Philip Seymour Hoffman who are both doing the absolute fucking most. I was impressed with her. Yeah. Okay, Amy. Next one is Salem's Lot or Magnolia? Again, haven't seen Salem's Lot, but Magnolia is one that I am really up on. And I don't know if that's controversial or whatever, because I feel like more people would put it a little lower on their... Film Twitter, I'm going to say. Film Twitter would put it lower on their list, but I would put it on the upper half.

of my personal list. I like Magnolia and it's the only time I've ever been impressed by Tom Cruise maybe other than Interview with the Vampire. Interview with the Vampire and Magnolia are the only two times Tom Cruise has gotten me or that I've gotten him per se. I'm gonna go Magnolia on this one just for the sheer ratings on Letterboxd. There's also that amazing Philip Seymour Hoffman performance.

There's all performances all around in that movie. And the needle drops too. If you're a PTA head, that movie is just like, it's good stuff. It's really long, but I would recommend if it's raining or something outside, if it's a bit gloomy and you have a long afternoon or something, watch Mangalia. Or if you're having feelings.

that you want to ignore or stress that you're like, gotta think about something else. Put this movie on, it sucks you into this very dramatic, tense scenario. And you picked Magnolia, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. I will too, because it's based off the music of Amy Mann from Till Tuesday. Did you know that? Oh, I did not know that. Who even is that? don't even know who that is. is Till Tuesday? Voices Carrie. Last one is Shawshank.

The SWAMP (50:13.93)
or Inherent Vice? I haven't seen Inherent Vice. That one and Punched Drunk Love are like my outstanding PTA watches. So I'll have to report back. But I'll have to pick Shawshank because that is one of the great Stephen King adaptations. And even though it's like, it is kind of corny and like it's like saying The Godfather is the best movie ever. It's like, OK, yeah, well, everyone freaking knows that. It's like everyone likes The Shawshank Redemption. Shut up.

I think I'm going to have a side with Dara on this one for the exact same reasons. I also haven't seen Inherent Vice. Yeah, I'm going to go Shawshank also. Inherent Vice, though, the ensemble cast is crazy. Again, Joaquin, Maya Rudolph, Benicio del Toro, Owen Wilson, Josh Brolin, Jenna Malone. Did you know that Paul Thomas Anderson is married to Maya Rudolph? I did. That's why I was like, oh, I'm so excited. She was in one of his movies.

Yeah, I'll have to watch it. It's again, those last two that have completed my list. My Christopher Nolan list, think I also have two left. I think I have like 10 and maybe, I don't know, some melodrama from the nineties. I'm sure. That is it though for Stephen King versus PTA. Thank you Jen. Love that. Thank you as always. And we love you and we'll see you next week. I love you guys. Have an awesome night.

Bye. I don't know. will say the only thing that I enjoyed from that was that we got the cool looking old mouse at the end. Let's take a beat here and talk about the mouse acting. Jingles is as important in the book as he was in the movie. A lot of criticism of the movie.

at the time was people being like, why so much focus on this fucking mouse? Cause it's important. This is really, Frank Darabont specifically does really faithful Stephen King book to movie adaptations. Like that's his fucking shit. That's what he's good at. This is pretty much beat for beat exactly like the book for the most part. Like he really fucking nails it. No wonder it's And it's also, it's a production company of Rob Reiner, Castle Rock Entertainment is it called? Castle Rock Productions that they did

The SWAMP (52:38.454)
Stand By Me that we just talked about last week and Rob Reiner is of course, you know, of the Stephen King sort of, yeah, a faithful adaptation of a more drama type work seems to be this kind of pocket that we're in. But what was I saying? Yeah, I am really loving that. Where sort of obviously we're going into October, we're going to do some more of the spooky Stephen King stuff, but I have really enjoyed the fact that we've talked a lot about

These ones where as opposed to like, don't know, I haven't seen Pet Sematary, but I'm assuming Pet Sematary doesn't really tie in as well with this narrative of like, all the people and all the kids with like the shining or these mythical powers. I feel like that's sort of been the run we've been on. Yeah, that is true. We are connecting some dots to for sure about, yeah, the powers and honestly, especially after the dark tower. I'm I'm

Enjoying seeing it all connect, I guess, because I get sort of the bigger picture. Even if it was a bad, bigger picture from the dirt tower. And it's interesting how John Coffey's version of like shining is like this weird empathetic kind of thing, because usually we only see it in terms of like mind reading a little bit and like, there's not really a physical manifestation as much. He seems to be like the peak, you know, strongest version of shining.

or of that kind of power where it's not just he's hearing their thoughts, but he's like feeling their feelings and can wholly sense them and can push them as well. then can cure them and put an expel their disease and whatever through his mouth. Like that's crazy. Imagine. With probably the least understanding of it, because I think a lot of what we've seen, except for like,

I don't know, probably Carrie. Carrie obviously doesn't have a whole lot of understanding about her own powers, but like in The Shining and of course, The Dark Tower and Doctor Sleep, course, there's a conversation about it and there's others that know other people that have sort of this gift or whatever. But yeah, John Coffee is a real standalone. Same with Carrie. And then the whole story is like how everyone around them is sort of affected by

The SWAMP (54:59.65)
you know, this weird, like magical sense or whatever. the mouse though. We were talking about the So Mr. Jingles was really important in the book. And it was all about Del and the mouse and that whole part. Cause that was where it got more like the characters got

a bit more dimensional and conflicted because it was about them like lying to him, right? About Mouseville. And like, we're going to take care of the mouse, but it's like, oh, the governor's coming to see the mouse so we can practice for your execution. Yeah. It's really fucking grim. It's like Tom, Tom Hanks is feeling guilty about that. And then, you know, that guilt then turns into guilt. Like I'm killing John Coffey. And so the guilt that starts to weigh on him about these executions is what then

He stops, he says that John Coffey's the last man he executes and then he finishes, know, he quits the job and does other stuff. But in the movie, it's like, Dell comes off as like very likable. We sort of sympathize with him. Yeah, we don't get the backstory and that's like a big thing. You get no backstory for Dell. He like is a rapist murderer. Like there is a reason he's on death row. We don't really get that in the movie as much where it is like, it is...

more complicated and it is like about a person reflecting on like, did something and I do truly regret it, but you cannot deny that you did do it, you know? And there's a part of you that will always, you you'll carry that with you to the chair. Absolutely. of. And yeah, and the dealing of his character was brought out more conflicting emotions and we see sort of different layers to Paul Edgecombe's character rather than just him being this like beacon of always

right and good. And then we get this supremely evil Sam Rockwell comes in as Wild Bill and he's just like hooting and hollering and causing chaos. Yeah, no, that must have been, I'm sure that was a real fun character for him to play, but my God. Yeah, he did a fantastic job just coming off as supremely evil. Sam Rockwell does play a hick like no other.

The SWAMP (57:19.338)
I do have to give him that. Yeah, the tattoos and the teeth and just like the posture and the voice. Yeah, he just freaking nails it. And he's introduced as this wonderful sort of mirror to Percy's character, who was sort of our main antagonist. He's the guard who is abusing all of the inmates and he crushes the mouse. So the mouse gets crushed. The mouse knows circus tricks and is basically the star of freaking show.

And everyone's like, this mouse is so chill. Like, wait, we see a mouse, but give him some crackers. Give him a little snack. Wait, we love the mouse. 30 minutes, 30 minutes before we started recording this, I'm hanging out on my couch, getting set up and everything like that. Mouse in my house. There's never, I've never get mice in my house. Mr. Jingles. Literally just. He sensed, he has the shining. He sensed you. Came up, hung out for exactly a minute. I moved and then he ran back into the wall.

sort of thing, so yeah. That was straight up Mr. Jingles. Did he whisper his name in your ear? I wish. yeah. Percy stomps the mouse and it's devastating. It is a horrific scene. It's hard to watch. You the sound design of like the crunch and then they give them out. John Coffey's like, give me that mouse and they revive the mouse and then basically all of the guards are like,

This is gonna be so hilarious that we all have to just agree to just move on from what just happened because then Percy comes back and the mouse is alive and he fucking has a conniption. course, yes. They're all basically like, this is so worth dunking on our shitty coworker that we're not gonna talk about the literal miracle magic that just happened in front of us. So it's not even worth it for a discussion.

Which is hilarious. That's such like a man thing. I love it. Okay, we're just gonna move on. We're just not gonna talk about that. Not until several weeks later at Tom Hanks' house for dinner and he's like, are we gonna talk about it? Hey, you guys, my wife says we have to talk about it. Can we address the mouse in the room, guys? Please. Bonnie Haunt won't shut up about how good the sex was.

The SWAMP (59:31.086)
to all of Tom Hanks' coworkers. They're like, we believe you. We believe you. She hasn't stopped coming for weeks, guys, okay? We gotta have a discussion. And speaking of, I think this is the perfect time to say that we need to have a discussion about Tom Hanks. yeah. So you, as you were departing my house, you were like, okay.

is Tom Hanks, what is Tom Hanks' sexiest role? Was that the question you posed to me? And immediately everyone in the room recoiled. We were just like, ew, like do not put the Tom Hanks' sexy in the same sentence. Like do not, that is not what is happening here. But of course there are objectively roles that are sexier versus less sexy for any working actor. So I needed to know where he falls.

And mainly for myself, because obviously Tom Hanks has like a body of work. But I want input as well. So I've come up with a tier list. Yes. What is this great website that you made this just called like tierlist.com. don't know. Tearmaker. This isn't an ad. I've never seen... I mean, I've seen people do these like on YouTube and stuff, but I always just figured they like grabbed their own PNG. It's nice that there's like a...

workable website where you just grab and drop things. That's very fun. Well, both posts are completed. Well, post our completed tiers on our Instagram. I'll verbally confirm to that. I do have, here's my giant list of things that I haven't seen. I also threw cars in there because I don't know who he plays, like a Woody referential car. He doesn't, I don't even think have any lines or something. So that doesn't count.

Exactly. It does not count, but these are all the ones that I have not seen. So there's a good chunk. But I'm going to start. I don't know. I'll start bottom to top. firstly, which I think some key weight, some key ones to note in your haven't seen section, I think saving private Ryan. I also haven't seen that one, but I could see how that would be in discussion as far as sexy because.

The SWAMP (01:01:42.06)
because war or because leadership question mark, I don't know. Yes, I did want to put that one. Yeah, Philadelphia that also, I don't know if I would have been able to rate it even if I did see it. Right, right. What else have we got? Bridge of Spies. Him as Mr. Rogers, that's kind of, that is doing something. I was gonna say, well, you have to tell me, yeah, we're gonna pull, you'll have to tell me what from this that you have seen and I need your input here as well.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we've got like, yeah, the classic, yeah, Saving Private Ryan, haven't seen, haven't seen Big. Big, feels unethical. Unethical, The Post. include even, yeah. I didn't care for The Post. I also didn't really care for Bridge of Spies. Actually, I don't really care for a lot of Tom Hanks movies. My husband Hank made a good point that Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg really kind of like vibrate at the same frequency of like too earnest.

Like it's just too, yeah, like a Jesusy good that it's just not compelling to me. Yeah. Well, cause even this movie, feels like while it obviously has a sad ending, like generally everything kind of ends just fine. Cause they ended on the note of like- Tom Hanks. It's fine for Tom Hanks. So who gives a shit, you know? I mean, I guess he's cursed to maybe live forever, who's to say, but-

Whatever. But anyways, okay. So starting in our F tier, these are what I would call absolutely unfuckable for obvious reasons. His character from Elvis. I did not see Elvis, but I think I know enough. Yeah, definitely Elvis is a no for me, but Forrest Gump is kind of sexy. Well, it is the conundrum. It is the conundrum of

It's that tweet that says, we going to talk about the ethics of Taylor Swift dating someone with severe CTE? You know, ethically, are we like calling Jenny into question here? I think Forrest Gump was consenting. You think Forrest was consensual? OK. We can bump Forrest up a little bit. That was morally morally. I don't know. Maybe it's maybe I'd be based if I rated Forrest. It's a gray area.

The SWAMP (01:04:06.42)
It is a gray area. think he's unfuckable in the league of their own? Do you know how disgusting and drunk and sweaty and gross he comes in? Do you remember? Yeah, but I feel like that could be compelling. No, you're getting chronic syphilis from that man. I think. I don't know. I would maybe take him for a spin. I think that's fine.

I think that's fine. think he does turn it around sort of by the end of the movie. He gets his act together. But yeah, too grimy for me, especially when he's stacked up against Madonna and Rosie and my God, Gina Davis. Come on. Gina Davis. Yeah, that is so true. So true. Yeah. I'm not thinking about Tom Hanks when watching A League of own. That's for sure. Exactly. But in my

D tier, I've got the Da Vinci Code. The Da Vinci Code, and Demons, and Toy Story 3. Because it's just, while it's not disgusting, and while it's not like, you know, revolting, it is entirely sexless. You know, and I like the Da Vinci Code, I like Angels and Demons. These are some of my favorite Tom Hanks movies, they're fun. It's a romp, but it's not doing anything for me. Same with Toy Story 3, I think that is...

You know, talking about growing up, there's nothing sexy there. I was going to say, I'm curious as to why Toy Story 3 is in D tier, but perhaps other Toy Story movies are higher up on the list. Yes, they are. Interesting. I think there's nothing sexy about the whole Toy Story 3 is the one with the evil bear, right? Or am I getting this mixed up? Yeah, that one was pretty, yeah, that one was pretty dry. Yeah, dry sexless. Moving on to C tier.

Is there something here? Okay. It's not totally stale. There's something. How many shots? It's like six, six shots. I think that Tom as the kids who club say. Yeah. think Tom Hanks is at, yeah, is at his sexiest when he's not trying to be sexy. And I think that he is less sexy as he gives it a go. So that is why Sleepless in Seattle, I do think falls into this one.

The SWAMP (01:06:29.518)
Meg Ryan is doing a lot of the heavy lifting there. But I digress. Can't say I've seen it. It's fine. Saving Mr. Banks, it's fine. But the mustache does a little bit of something for me. That thing you do, it's okay. Yeah. He's got some fresh suits. I like it. Catch me if you can. I don't know. What do you feel about Catch Me If You Can? This one's a little gray for me.

Yeah, is like he is kind of more giving like dad and not one for sure. It is tough because Tom Hanks sort of orbits in the like dad slash like brother space, you know, as a character, it's always feeling very like more familiar than it is like sexy. Yeah. So this is like pretty tough. yeah, I guess guess sex me if you can.

Yeah, I guess I agree. I guess I agree as it's like it is not entirely a no, but it's not it's not doing anything. Toy Story, I think there is some sexual tension between Woody and Buzz, obviously. There's some homoeroticism between wanting to be the favorite. Yeah, so there's something there. yeah, I agree. I agree with that. Actually, I was questioning your separation of the Toy Stories, but I think I understand it. Okay, thank you.

which makes sense as to why Toy Story 2 is in B tier. right. mean, yeah. Jessie comes in, shakes things up. okay? it's a whole other story now. think she's obviously... McLaughlin is here, singing a sad song. but at the same time, I've got Captain Phillips and Sully in B tier. I think Tom Hanks has...

gotten sexier with age, depending on how he's styled. But I think that him in a crisis, I like that. I like a, what is it? A port in a storm. And that's what he's giving in Captain Phillips and certainly in Sully. So watch that. What is it? There's a good clip on YouTube. I watched a couple of clips before this to get prepared.

The SWAMP (01:08:45.474)
And there's a good clip where he's like, get horny up about Tom Hanks and to plead my case. But there's a good clip where he's in Sully where he's like, can we get serious now? Okay. You dumb fucks don't know what I did. You guys are making a mockery out of the miracle that I just performed. Let's get serious. And there's something there guys. I don't know. I know I keep saying that, but Tom Hanks has got something there.

But Captain still can't say I agree with you on that. But I was attracted to Nathan Fielder when he dressed up as Sully Sullenberger so that he could recreate the flight and listen to Evanescence in the new season of the rehearsal. And that's fair. If you haven't watched, it's pretty fire. But I have not seen Sully or Captain Phillips, so I can't speak on those.

I guess I'm pretty shy. definitely in the way of the Tom Hanks canon. Yeah, Captain Phillips is definitely a little more dad-coded, but I think Sully's got a little pizzazz. But speaking of pizzazz, we're getting into the Wes Anderson of it all. In his older years, this man has started to dip his toes in. Asteroid City. agree with you. Yes, okay? I really like that.

I like that castaway, of course, I think at his most feral, truly. He was pretty feral in this one, of course. There's a whole scene about him piping his wife four times in one night after his dick got fixed. Yeah, it is. We usually don't ever see Tom Hanks in like a, in a sexy way. So even in this movie, the insistence upon the clearing of the UTI being expressed through.

fucking the missus was kind of funny to see because it is sort of like, ew, it's like, ew, those are my parents, don't show me that. This guy, this guy right here, Tom Hanks, sexual panther. Pipes, canonically pipes his wife. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, and we don't, I think for that reason alone, because I would question why the green mile aids here, but really we don't get that even innuendo about him often ever. yeah, so explicitly being a

The SWAMP (01:11:09.678)
sexual creature is rare. So I think they must reward it. Also, he's just sweaty. There's a lot of talk about his dick and his balls in this movie, you know? So it's a whole thing. Under some real stress, this is a younger Hanks than I would, than I'm probably used to saying. typically go for. Than I would typically go for. But I think a man on a mission, yeah, I can get behind it. Another one that features Lieutenant Dan.

I forget his actor's name, but they've got a good amount of crossover in their careers. And then of course, I cannot stress how much these are the best for last. I've got the Phoenician scheme and the Polar Express are my S tier. you sent me this and the only thing I did was immediately move Polar Express to S tier. And then I was like, I don't know what else to do. So I wholeheartedly agree with you on that front. Something about that chunky animation.

really gets me going. It's the fact that he did just about all of the mocap. He voiced just about every character. like nine characters. It's crazy. He did like all of the mocap basically for the entire thing. He's getting jiggy with it here. You know, you can tell this man had the time of his life in that booth singing hot chocolate and you know he pipes. Sorry. I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know what to tell you except for that train conductor is throwing it down once he gets to the North Pole. Yeah, Mrs. on the side. So real. And wait, I have a question. So your other A tier one is the Phoenician scheme, which just came out this year. So for those who maybe don't know, Tom Hanks' character is like side by side always with Brian Cranston. And the two of them are like, brothers or just business partners or something? Lovers?

They are like one entity and I'm like, for me, that is a package deal situation. Absolutely. Are we including, does Bryan Cranston get to come if we're talking Even if he's just in the cook chair, I think yes. Yeah. Ideally, he's an involved party, but I would go for him just being there as well. And talking about Tom Hanks aging well. He looked great.

The SWAMP (01:13:33.262)
Fantastic, fantastic. yeah, I was wonderful. I'll independently fill out my own and we'll post the pictures. And I think if you're on Spotify, I can add this as a people can watch maybe. I don't know. So we'll see how you figure out how to do that. that we're already kind of here. Should we get more regularly scheduled programming? Exactly. So I feel fuck Mary Kil, do you want to just do hmm like fuck Mary Kil? The guards?

Yeah, out of like all the guards, because I feel like it's like in a situation where it's like if Percy's there, he's dying. Yeah. There's like a lot of characters where it's like if they're there, know, Sam Rockwell is there, he's dying. What's his? No. How about let's go Tom Hanks, brutal. And what's his? The other one's name. Oh, what's his name? The blonde, the young blonde one. The young blonde. He was giving me, if anyone knows,

Mad Men, he was giving me Kenneth Cosgrove, and then Percy was obviously giving me Pete Campbell. Of course, absolutely. Yeah, let's go Dean, Brutal, and Tom Hanks. Okay. How do feel about that? I'm gonna... They said Brutal was single, so maybe I'm not gonna ruin any marriages, and he seemed kind and gentle for the most part. Again, big boy with a heart of gold.

Preferably not getting myself involved with cops in any sense or scenario. considering we're having to choose here, did just... His was a character that I was like, he could have been more neutral or erring on the side of neutral or rude to the prisoners, but he also spoke to them with kindness. I was just like, this is sort of breaking it for me. It's so unrealistic that so many of these guards would have been actually...

so considerate of these people that I think it's more just like used to really highlight how nasty Percy was. But I was like, the guard named Brutal is also like a big guy with a heart of gold. Like, come on, do we really need to be doing that again? But I guess it kind of worked out a no. So I'll marry him. I'll fuck the blonde guy and I'll kill Tom Hanks.

The SWAMP (01:15:53.678)
I think I have to agree with you here. Dean was really doing a little bit for me, but maybe that's just because I'm coming off of last month I watched the deer hunter and he kind of had that gaunt face the same way that, oh God, what's his name? Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken did. And that does something for me. He did have very sharp features. did have a very nice nose. Yeah. So I'm dead.

Definitely, definitely riding that man into the sunset. And then I think you're right. think Brutal and I will have a really pleasant life. I feel like he could really make me a nice steak dinner as well. Yeah, let's hope he's... Yeah. And then of the whole movie, I feel like I want to fuck the lady with cancer, but after the cancer is cured and she was glow.

like she was so fabulous. I'm like immediately gonna get on that. I'm gonna marry Mr. Jingles, can I do that? And we're gonna go to Mouseville and he's gonna perform in the Mouse Circus. Of course, I think, I don't know about marry, but I think you get custody of him. Adopt, yeah, adopt. No, who else would I marry? I definitely also marry Jan. She seems like a wonderful wife. She seems like a great time. Absolutely.

Yeah, Jan seems like a real one too. Like she doubled down for her man. Out of everyone in this movie who's like most marriage material, it's definitely Jan. So I'm gonna go for Jan. She's gonna hear you out no matter what. She said, yeah, I saw it. His dick was fixed. Yeah, like I... Stand by him. Ride or die, Jan. And then, out of everyone, who can I kill? Like this is like, okay, judgment time, right? Like if we're judging crimes here, like what...

Where do we, I guess it just has to be Wild Bill, If we're stacking the numbers. As bad as Percy is, I don't think he has done nearly as horrific of a thing. killed anyone. Exactly, exactly. That we know of. The whole thing is that he's kind of a pussy. He pisses himself. Yeah, he probably killed a cat as a kid kind of thing. Sociopathic tendencies for sure. I'm going to agree with you that Wild Bill is the one to kill though.

The SWAMP (01:18:10.893)
I will say though, I do not agree with the death penalty. No, no. guess people could have inferred that about me before then. we play Fox Mary Kill every week, but I don't actually want anyone to die. Okay. This is a figurative kill. Yeah. Spiritual kill. is against the death penalty. Thank you very much. I Google it's 27 states still have it. That's so many. I thought it was going to be like

13. I was like, you'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. Yeah, I'm gonna go I'll marry Jan as well because she is. Yeah, a real one. And then I'm gonna fuck. maybe I'll fuck the old lady listening to the story. And the in the higher level of the narrative. Yeah, right before we see her in her coffin. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna

I think I'll stick with fucking Dean. Yeah. wait, you know who I want to fuck? Also, I just keep adding fucks. I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Mary Kill. Harry Dean Stanton was in this movie. He played what they call him toot. He was the prisoner who was washing the floors. God. The moon pie. Yeah. And they just like got Harry Dean Stanton to like be in three scenes. It so good. Classic. Sam Rockwell exploding a moon pie out of his cheeks.

that shit kinda sent me. It kinda sent Tom Hanks too. He said, I've never seen that one before. He said, wait, that was kinda creative. Yeah, he did give it a go. But what are you, okay, food and drink? Are you serving moon pies or what are you doing? So it's pretty atrocious to be hosting a Green Mile function, but that is what I low-key did last night. was like, party, Green Mile watch party. We all had sushi.

And I feel like doing the concept of a last meal potluck is kind of depressing, because just the concept of a last meal on the whole is very sad. But to consider what would you want your last meal to be if you could pick, and then everyone brings that. But that is also kind of difficult, because I think mine would probably be eggs benedict, like a big breakfast situation. Oh my god, I also went breakfast. I want coffee, juice.

The SWAMP (01:20:32.678)
and like a fat plate of hash browns and an eggs benedict and like maybe a pancake on the side, like a big breakfast type type beat shit. And then, okay, what would you want your last meal to be? And then what you get to watch one movie, cause they let John Coffey watch his one- fuck. Predestare movie. So you get to watch a movie or maybe like if you pick Kill Bill, you're allowed to watch both of them. If you pick Lord of the Rings, you're allowed to watch all three of them. That kind of thing. You can kind of cheat the system. Yeah, I would probably, okay.

Last meal.

I might go with a baked potato, like a loaded baked potato. don't know. There's other things, but that is what's speaking to me right now. Just that? Not like a steak with a baked potato on There's gonna be other things. I would say probably, I would do a Nashville hot chicken sandwich, like a baked potato on the side, fully loaded.

What to drink? Lemonade, like a sparkling lemonade. Probably love a lemonade. A limeade actually would be ideal. You want bubbles in your drink? Obviously. Gonna call you a slur. And then dessert. I don't know. What would my dessert be? That's a hard one.

I really liked, you made some really sexy like cookie bars last night. Millionaire shortbreads? was kind of going crazy on those. Paul Hollywood says my millionaire shortbreads have a crumbly, what does he always say? It's a soggy bottom. Soggy bottom. Paul Hollywood said I have a soggy bottom. No, Henry made these a long time ago and they were really good and they're called millionaire shortbreads so I had to bring something to a function. was like Henry.

The SWAMP (01:22:28.514)
how did you make those good things? He was like, just watch this YouTube video. And so I successfully made, it's just like a Twix bar. It's like a cookie, shortbread cookie, then caramel, and then chocolate. You could actually like taste the butter and the cookie and everything like that. Right, well there is a fuck ton of butter in Exactly, it was really good. Something along those lines, my mom used to make these things called scotcharoos that kind of also sat on that level.

Those were really good. Maybe those as well. Back to the scotch-a-roo. Those were really good. What's your last meal? Dessert. Well, so I would just want breakfast. want a big fatty breakfast. I would rather, like I will forgo dessert to get more things with my breakfast. Like I'll skip dessert, but I get French toast too. Sure, sure, sure, sure. We're expanding upon the theme of breakfast. was gonna say, what I would serve, if I was having people over, I did say, I ripped a little bit on the movie.

But what am I? He meatloaf, okra, potatoes and cornbread. Cornbread, yep, yep, yep. Is what he wants. then he wants to, he in the most fucking, I was like, don't piss me off when they were like, is there anything else you want? And I'm like, yeah, fucking freedom, bitch. We're letting you live. Anything else you want. Tom Hanks is like, we want to give you, And they're all sitting there so self-righteous and patting themselves on the back while he watches the movie. And it's this glorious scene where it's like the film.

projecting lights around him and he's reveling in this thing right before he dies and all the guards are like patting themselves in the back like, oh, we really let him have this experience right at the end, didn't we? Oh, oh, it's such a bummer. We have to put him down tomorrow. Like, oh my God, what do you want? I want you to dig me a tunnel and Shawshank me out of here, bitch. Yeah, please. But I like your, I agree. Breakfast felt right for this one. One of my favorite.

breakfast places, it's down in Connecticut. They would do a bacon, and cheese on like a cornbread sort of biscuit. was like a sriracha maple syrup on it as well. And it was so, so, so good. that have structural integrity when you picked it up to eat it or did it just sort of become like?

The SWAMP (01:24:45.398)
Yeah, was like a cornbread-y sort of like, it was almost like scone-y. So it was definitely like a harder texture. That sounds fire. It was really good. But I'm also gonna say that you have a Coke and espresso, Coke espresso. Have you seen those drinks lately? No. People will do like a shot of espresso in their Coke and it's pretty solid, especially if you do like a cherry Coke, honestly.

Not for everyone, of course, but I think there's this good scene where they drug Wild Bill with a coke. right. Yeah, I'm drugging my coke by adding more caffeine. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But that feels like a good one. I would say if you want it sort of more on the meatloaf side, go for a sausage egg and cheese instead of bacon egg and cheese. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's what I'm going to feed John Coffee once I fucking break his ass out of this prison. Yeah.

Truly, please. How hard can it be? 14 bacon, egg, and cheeses. Okay, and then what are you gonna follow this up with? You're doing a green mile. You've just swung through the green mile and then what are you gonna follow it up with? I think you, I mean, ugh. I haven't come up with a good answer. I do wanna just say Shawshank because it's right there.

You know, I think it's one of those things, they're both three hour movies, you have to give your day to it if you want. think, yeah, I think you go start Green Mile and then you go Shawshank is probably the most sensical jump to I Shawshank's a little more uplifting. feel like we feel like, the Green Mile does feel very claustrophobic. I feel like even we're still within the prison system, it's like we're breaking.

of death row into gen pop. yes, yes, Yeah, then we watched Shawshank. I vibe with that. Yeah. To me, about you, one of the best things about this movie is that John Coffey offers to take care of Mr. Jingles the Mouse while Dal is going to hit the electric chair. You better not say. botched electrocution. he, I don't know what you think, what you think I'm about to say. Okay, come on, give me it.

The SWAMP (01:26:58.508)
He takes it and he puts it in his hands and he holds the mouse so very nicely. then when Dell is getting his botched electrocution, because John Coffee is such an empath, he like vibrates with the frequency of getting electrocuted. he's like, and he's like, I could feel it. And then later he's like, Mr. Jingles could feel it too. And Mr. Jingles then becomes this old, everlasting mouse. And I feel like you have to assume that in between,

when the green mile is happening and when he's the old mouse later, there's an interlude where he becomes Stuart Little. I knew you were gonna say Stuart You knew I was gonna say Stuart Little. That's why I thought, you started it off with saying, well, someone said he would take care of this mouse. And I was like, this bitch is going to Stuart Little. This bitch is going Stuart Little.

The SWAMP (01:27:52.27)
And Gina Davis is gonna take care of this mouse and raise it like it's her son. And she did. And that mouse knows what it's like to be in the electric chair. Stuart Little holds that pain with him. That's for sure. I think that's an excellent choice, especially if you want a hard pivot from the green mile. Yeah, when you need a bit of reprieve from the green mile, consider Stuart Little. Not a bad idea. Not at all. Out of 10, I'm gonna give this movie a seven.

but a lot of that is like nostalgia and contextualizing and just that I've seen it a lot and it's a piece of, again, a piece of work that I admire, yet I feel like I have complicated feelings about it, but I do think it is such a good catalyst to have conversations about why it's a flawed piece of media. I don't know, so I think that also has merit. Yeah, of course.

Yeah, I'm gonna hit it with a six. I do not think three hours, well, I think it was necessary for a faithful adaptation. It was a bit much for me. See, I think it was earned. I thought those three hours were earned. It was excellent. I don't think they could have done it without it. It is just still one of those. It was too much for me. But yeah, it was great. was a good movie, obviously. And I feel like it's something that in today's day and age would have absolutely just been turned into a mini-series. Like, just that.

format of television just wasn't really a thing. Like that medium just wasn't really popping off back feel like there are a lot of three plus hour movies that were like made in the 90s or early 2000s that just could have probably been TV shows. But we just like didn't have the tools for that really yet. So I feel like this is like maybe one of those. it's still a movie that we talked about this week for Stephen King.

And we're going to continue talking about Stephen King stuff for the rest of October. But then who's to say where we'll go in the swamp? So let us know what you think and what you want us to talk about and what movies you think are going to be up for Oscars, awards season, coming around. What have you been seeing in the theaters that you loved or hated? Let us know. What are you going to be for Halloween? Please. Let me know that as well. And have a lovely rest of your day. Goodbye, good night.