The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

PO - TA - TOES boilem mashem stickeminastew, its Two Towers week my little orcs. Helms Deep, Ents, and Karl Urban, oh my!

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:00.174)
Breaking news, I just learned that this movie's a Sagittarius. Indeed she is. We love to hear it. What's Sag's thing? Like a horse or? Yeah, yeah, which this is very horse. This is a horse movie. Yeah, this actually this really checks. You just told me that it's like the 22nd anniversary. She turns 22 this week. Yeah, the two towers.

26 this week. I'm a little bit older than the two towers. little bit. Just a little bit. I'm a little bit more complex. I'm a little bit more fleshed out. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Because this movie's just a little basic. She's on her journey. You've kind of, you're winding down. Winding down? my god, I'm 26 and you're sending me to the hill.

Basically, we're putting you in the, yeah, we're sending you to pasture. Wow. my Happy birthday to Lord of the Rings. Happy birthday to Dara. Thank you. And welcome to The Swamp. This is our podcast. It's an acronym. Stands for some whack ass movie podcasting. And we are continuing this month with our Lord of the Rings extravaganza journey of moving on, of course, to the two towers, logically, chronologically, as is correct.

And yeah, we watched this as a part of like a marathon. Yes. But we're recording it a little while later. I think we both rewatched And we both rewatched in crowd. between. there's a lot going on. There's a lot. We had a big meal, a little bit of wine, and I said Some focus drifted elsewhere. Yeah, there was a lot that we realized that-

What was it? Menopause can be seven years long. No, but then I checked in with, I checked in and I've heard some different information. We really caught worried about like the woman's body of like, I was suddenly like, it takes seven to 10 years, but then it's like, what is pre-menopause? So we were doing a lot of Wikipedia diving. Yeah, yeah, difference between pre-menopause, post-menopause. Which I think is fair considering that we had been at this for about, you know,

The SWAMP (02:09.495)
Five or six hours at this point. Including like the cooking and the hunting and gathering of materials. Yes, yes. It was a day long process. Yes, absolutely. But I'm thrilled to talk about this. Yes. And so as I had previously sort of stated in our episode covering the fellowship, I was like, you're not going to get any sort of concise

recap or plot summary from me, that's bullshit. But I feel like it is almost unethical to not provide at least just a basic breakdown summary because there's so much happening in this second movie that even if you're a fan, even if you're someone who watches, rewatches this trilogy fairly recently, it's pretty easy to forget exactly everything that happens in the second movie because we are getting sort of the split party dynamic. It's like three movies.

Yeah. Timeline jumping. Yeah. It's very, I wish there was like a. What's like a book? It's like reading a book. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. It's like the middle section of a book, if you will. Yeah. So I'm going to try my best right now. If you haven't watched the two towers in a minute, here's like the lightning fast little recap. Well, I do. I will say I appreciate that they start with a recap for us. Yes, they do. They're like last week on. Yes. In case you forgot. Gandalf Caput. Yeah.

but maybe not. Who's to say? Who's to say? And so we do get that sort of extended scene with Gandalf. We assume that he was dead, but then we see that he actually did fight the Balrog and did win, but he did fall to his death question mark, but it did see, was like left a little ambiguous of like, you know, what is going to happen. Of course, because spoilers also spoilers for Lord of the Rings. you, if you, if anyone like me has taken the 22 years to see this.

Yeah, spoilers, but the fellowship is broken up into three main groups. So A, Sam and Frodo are bringing the Reign of Mordor. They basically are like, we gotta get away from these men. These men are too corrupt. We gotta do this ourselves. We gotta go. Yeah, with our pure hearts as hobbits. Right. And then so- It's up to us. They realize that they're getting trailed by new friend Gollum. Yes, yeah, this is huge. And Frodo says, I know who the fuck you are.

The SWAMP (04:28.908)
read the books. I've heard about you, bitch. I've read. know what's up. I'm going to call you by your government fucking name, Smeagol. Yeah, that really sends them into a spiral. And so they basically come to this agreement, though, where Smeagol is so into the ring that he's like, I'm not going to fucking stop following you. Yeah. And they're like, but you know the way. So can you please just take us? And we get this dynamic where Smeagol slash Gollum is this

multiple personalities existing within this vessel of this creepy little guy. And we're getting that Smeagol is maybe a little bit more helpful and human, whereas Gollum is the evil part of him that wants the ring. So it's almost like sometimes Smeagol is helpful, but sometimes Gollum is maybe leading them astray because he wants the ring for self-retreat. It is very much the, if you've ever watched Split, you know? Right, well, yes.

You know, classic textbook definition of multiple personality disorders. James McAvoy's portrayal of the movie Split. But it is very much like, who's in control? Or, is Gollum in control but pretending to be Smeagol? You know what I mean, all that bullshit. And so then, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas are basically- Growing out. They're prancing about the countryside. Basically, they're like, we-

realize that we're not part of this delivering the ring process anymore, but there's still a fucking war going on and there's still shit to be addressed in the name of goodness, basically. So they're basically looking for Group C, which is Marion Pippin, the other two hobbits who have been captured by the Ur'Khan and...

Basically, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are like, we're gonna find the hobbits. Like, feels responsible, Yeah, yeah. Look at these little guys. They're so helpless. Look at us. We're so hot and sexy and have swords. Of course. And Mary and Pippin, they get captured by the Urkai, basically looks like meets back on the menu boys. And then...

The SWAMP (06:25.58)
they get ushered away, they escape and they get scooped up by Mr. Treebeard. And Treebeard is an ant and he's this old ass fucking tree. And he just scoops them up and he's like, you're coming with me. And they're basically this old tree population that really pontificate and speak in these long drawn out poetic phrases. And so they're sort of like, okay, we're riding on the big tree. We're chilling.

This seems okay. Which, if I had to be someone in this movie, I'd wanna be these two, which I think this is very much our vibe. We're Mary and Pippin. Absolutely, yeah. Last week we answered some listener questions, and I feel like to check back in, someone had asked like, who would you be in the fellowship? Mary and Pippin. In movie too, I'm Mary and Pippin. Easily. I'm setting up a hammock in Treebeard's fuckin' ear or something.

I'm gonna convince them to not join the war. I'm gonna say, let's go in the opposite direction and start a new community where we can just get away from this. The commune. I'm a class traitor, you know, I'll escape. In this day and age, Jera, that's a... I know, I shouldn't say that. That's actually not true, but you know what I mean. Free Luigi. my God, right? No, literally, you...

gonna get tried for something, for saying that. I'm literally worried about censorship. I'm not about to go back and rake through all of these podcasts to find everything cooked. literally, if anyone wants to try me for saying something, yeah, like I did probably say it. Like. Yeah, if you ever see me freaking out and being like, you know what I'm done about the podcast, just know. That I'm afraid for being put in jail.

too stoned and I thought about all of the nonsense that comes out of my mouth on the daily and said, my God, 400 people have listened to that. Which is not a lot. How many people are in the world? Seven billion? Yeah, right. All it takes is one FBI agent for me to say the wrong sarcastic thing one time. you see us go off the grid, just know they took us. Just know that they took us. No, I think they're like, these girls could say anything, because look at them, what are they gonna do, honestly?

The SWAMP (08:39.885)
What was that? From bottoms faggot one and faggot two? my God. Useless. Useless class trader one and useless class trader two. But yeah, so Mary and Pippin on their merry way. On their merry way. And then basically, Mary or Aragorn, Gimli and Langlaus end up in Rohan.

And so to give like a geography breakdown, basically. This was the thing that was tripping me up watching this. So Gondor is a kingdom. Morador is a kingdom. Rohan is a kingdom.

It's old times. They're just kingdoms. They're just like masses of land where a guy is like, I'm the king of the kingdom. Sure. Everyone who lives in the kingdom are like my subjects. I make sure that they have horses and haven't like Roman empire this yet. Yeah. It's, still like middle ages type beat shit. So the kingdoms, right. Are sort of at conflict, but the greater land that they live in is middle earth. And Aragorn is basically the prophecy is that he's the king of

everything. He's the king of Middle Earth. He's the fucking king of all of it. And they don't have a king of all of it right now. They just have the kings of the kingdoms. And so basically they roll up into Rohan and they bump into the Rohirum, which are the horse guys. Yeah. Carl Urban. my God. Carl Urban in his cunty little horse helmet ponytail. He did unfortunately do it for me. Serving, serving New Zealand cunt.

And he's like, all right, we're the horse guys. Our king has been fucked by the evil forces. So if you guys could like help us out with that, that would be solid. And Gandalf comes back, Gandalf the White, me after my everything shower. Right? I'm born anew. Like born anew glowing. He's like, Gandalf.

The SWAMP (10:34.604)
that what they used to call me? I just have forgotten because I've grown so much. Yeah. He's like, every second I was falling was like a lifetime or some shit like that. So basically, Gandalf has elite. has risen. Ego death. And he has re-transformed into basically he's like, I am Saruman as he should have been. So like a good, right? Like the inverse of Saruman is evil is now Gandalf the White is like the purified and good hearted version of Saruman.

It hurts my heart that he doesn't smoke as much weed though. That is not chill. He lost all his chill. All his chill. He's it's time to lock in. He's like, it's wartime. Which like, I'm hoping that after wartime, I don't know. We still have another movie to watch. So I'm interested to see what happens with Gandalf. But Gandalf basically pulls the, am such an old man. I need to have my wizard staff and fucking de-ages the fuck out of King Theoden. He says, evil be cast away from you.

and he de-ages in a beautifully seamless CGI sequence that is like uncluckably fucking good. Has never been done that well since. Like wild. It's wild to witness that and be like, why do movies look the way they do now when they literally were crushing it in 2002? Yeah. But it's the same sort of thing of like, sorry, thinking of what was it?

Pirates of the Caribbean. Right, Bill Nighy in the fucking octopus beard. you're like, damn. It never looked better. And it was like 2006. It's because they just gave them like a lot of time and like resources to like make it look good. Yeah. they're like, my God, not to go off on a side tangent. Please. Did you see that commercial or like ad from Fiverr? Do you know what Fiverr is? I don't think I have. Fiverr is like this website where basically you as a freelancer can be like, I do this skill. Like I do.

data entry or whatever and people who need data entry will go on to Fiverr and basically you can find like cheap freelancers to do stuff. Like I need a logo for my whatever company. Find someone on Fiverr and the whole thing is that it's $5 but it's usually a little bit more, know, 20 bucks, I'll make you logo, whatever. Fiverr just put out this advertisement basically being like AI is so chill. Everyone uses it and no one cares. AI art is fine. Which is, like, why are you like undermining the people who use your platform?

The SWAMP (12:55.0)
but basically they're like, hire someone who knows how to use AI. So it's like a pro AI. Like we are entering an era that is so cooked, shit looks so bad. A fucking chat GPT prompt of like kitten in space eating pizza is giving so like 2013 fucking cringe. And we're, cause here's the thing. We're ruining the fucking planet for polar bears are dying because someone made a fucking AI video of Steve Irwin and Bindi.

which is also so like ethically fucked. Pissing me off. But basically like big companies now are joining this sort of narrative of like, we're all just gonna have to get used to this. No. This is the way things are now. Which is just like so deeply upsetting. Yeah, pisses me off. Because basically I'm like, as soon as movies start to cut corners with this and shit, I'm like, we've officially entered an era of slop. We're just accepting that everything looks like slop. I will tell you what, I mean,

If already we should have been doing this, everyone should have been doing this, but as we enter into this era, the only thing to do, I think to combat, bully. Bring back bullying, your friends. Obviously bully them. But secondly, watch foreign films. true. Because there are so many beautiful foreign films that like don't get the budget. Right. To use AI or CGI and all that bullshit. Right. And so they are some of the most gorgeous works that.

creative, the moment. you know what? I think that's all we got. Everyone get on their fucking Mubi subscription right now. Mubi, shout out Mubi. Mubi, if you want to sponsor the swamp and you want to give us some free memberships to distribute to the public, I would love to do that for you. Yeah, Mubi, I am on my knees for you. Mubi, Mubi, Poob, Mubi, Poobie, Toobie, all the fucking streaming platforms. I really cannot keep up.

No, Mubi is the only one that I will. pretty chill. Mubi did produce The Substance, which I recently had read that article that was like, was it Universal or something? Had basically a big production studio or distributor had it signed on and basically was like, you have to change the ending. And the director was like, I am not doing that. And basically like bet on herself and was like, I'm going to take this elsewhere. And then Mubi picked it up and let her do whatever the fuck she wants.

The SWAMP (15:14.698)
a huge financial fucking success. Yeah. Fucking crushed. I'm hoping it gets some Oscar traction. I hope it's not too weird for the Oscars, but I think it will be. I'm hoping that at least like the effects or something like that. Do you think Demi? I would love to see it because they love to gas her up. They do. That's true. That's true. They would love to give her. Yeah. I get her back into the circuit. I think I doubt that. No, Margaret or Dennis or really? Well, yeah, Dennis, I don't.

No, not enough fucking kick rocks for those shrimps. Best supporting actors, then the shrimps. Shrimps are bugs. They are. It's true. But where are we? basically the de-aging looked so fucking good. And he was basically under the thumb of Grimoire Wormtongue, evil name, evil guy doing the bidding of Saruman and basically this evil.

evil, dark, Sauron follower basically poisons this king and makes him haggard, disgusting. And then they D.H. him, snatched, glowing, never looked better. And so King Phaedon is basically like, whoa, I have been unconscious because I've been in a fugue state of evil. He's like, my son is dead? my God. Like, we're out.

or holy fuck, so he's like catching the fuck up. Yeah, he's having probably- A tough day. Yeah, really, one of the, a tough week. Yeah, yeah, but honestly like facelift, microblading the eyebrows, whatever micro, micro lift. was getting it all done. True. He's gotta have like, almost like survivor's guilt though. for sure. Like, God, how do you not just go out into a field and like-

Yeah. Well, I guess when you're a king, know, you gotta take responsibility. Couldn't be me. No, I'd be dead in an instant. Falling on my sword. Yeah. Like real, what is it? Hot D moment when Eric says, forgive me. my God. And he yells, stabs the shit out of himself. Fell. Fell on his sword. Fell onto it. Yeah. Shout out for Hot D for the viscerally true falling on the sword sequence. Yeah. That was pretty, pretty fire. Yeah. But Saramund is basically going to wipe out Rohan.

The SWAMP (17:30.658)
He's going through these villages and he's just picking them off. He's like, we can take this land because Mordor, Saruman, Sauron, basically their goal is evil throughout. We're just going to conquer everything. It's going to be evil. It's going to be orcs and Ur'kai and that's the plan. And so they're wiping out through these villages and basically the king Theoden is like, we got to get all the village people.

to the fortress that we Some kind of safety. Which is Helm's Deep. So we're ushering all of the people, as many as we can get into this fortress. And that sort of tees us up for this big fight. And we get like this micro skirmish almost before where all of these wargs, these like weird werewolf-y type guys kind of come and attack our group. And basically this serves the purpose of Aragorn falls off the cliff, presumed dead.

rip to a legend, just kidding, Brigo the horse. is it Brigo? No, I think Brigo's the horse that left. His horse, his horse that Vigo bought because this horse licks him on the mouth. And he's like, okay, so I have to purchase this now. Like we're bonded. The horse nuzzles him and he's not dead. He like, you know, broken ribs, fucking dilapidated, dehydrated as fuck, rides across the countryside to get back to the people. And along the way he spots the army.

approaching. So he basically gets the insider tea like an attack, an attack is coming. So he makes it to Helm's Deep first and he's like, Hey, heads up. is about to go down. And he's like, I can call some friends I have some elves and they didn't like, fuck you. Fuck you fancy pants. You think the elves are going to come? And they literally do. They literally show up and say, Hey, we're ready to fight. Yeah. It's you know what?

It's important to ask for help sometimes. And it was Galadriel, shouts out Cate Blanchett. She's like, we gotta, she's like, it's our duty. She's like, we could run away, but we also gotta help out the men, you know? Yeah. It's, know, it's a good and evil thing here, bros. Guys, they're fucked without us. Come on. Essentially. Yeah. She knows what's up. And there's also this sort of subplot about our when Liv Tyler and how she was like, I'll give up my own retargety for you. And he's like, don't do that. And there's sort of back and forth of like,

The SWAMP (19:48.354)
are we betrothed, are we not betrothed, are you gonna run away? Yeah, her father kind of like coerced him to be like, let her live her best life, you're holding her back. Basically, and so then since he's single, then we get Eowyn, Horse Girl. Yes, they're really kind of, like you can tell he's post breakup and he's really hurting, you get some, a handful of flashbacks and all that. and she's just making like the biggest puppy dog eyes at him and he's like. he's like.

Yeah, his dick's, you know, guiding him. And he's like, we might die tomorrow. Exactly. What are you gonna do? And nothing happens, but he is like nice to her. Exactly. And she's down bad, which we all are. we're all down bad. Yeah, exactly. And then I said this was going to be lightning fast. It is, of course not. What are you gonna do? But so the elves come, the battle, they basically put an explosive in the...

weakest part of the wall and the bad guys explode a pretty integral part of the tower. The two towers, the name of the film. Of course, The two towers refer to Isengard and then the Eye of Sauron, which is their tower over in Mordor. But so they explode and they basically are, the tide is sort of turning. The king is like going back and forth between being like, I'm fighting on the front lines and like, I'm retreating, it's over. And like, no, we have to do it.

you know, then Aragorn gives a speech and everyone's doing like hype up war speeches, which ultimately don't even fucking matter because Gandalf turns the fuck up again with the horse bros. Truly like who else is gonna like. Cause he had dipped out. said, Hey, a little foreshadowing. I'm going to come back with help. We'll see. And of course he does at the most pivotal moment. Which we having watched the Hobbit, this is the thing that it really teed up for me. Is that Gandalf?

pops out and goes for just about half of every movie. And then he comes back and he helps us save the day. At the most pivotal moment. He's been doing this for 3000 years. I think it's like the first line that Gandalf says in the first movies, like a wizard always arrives exactly when he intends to. Yeah.

The SWAMP (21:57.294)
it's always like, he's like, no, I'm gonna show the fuck up when it's time to get real. And so they basically like ride all their fucking horses down this incredibly steep cliff and it's so fucking cool. And they basically are like, we're winning this shit. And then the trees that we show up, everything kind of loops back together and the Ents are like, they take a long time to debate whether Mary and Pippin are.

trustworthy. They have like a full tree council and they're like take forever and this is basically Mary and Pippin being like, these are the stakes.

Like we are finally realizing like what the fuck is going on here. And they see all the other trees that had been decimated by like the fucking eco terrorism warfare. course, cause the orcs are just chopping down every tree. We got actually like the same B roll footage of the orcs pulling a tree down with ropes in both movie one and movie two. damn, how many times are they going to cut that tree down? Like, but basically the minute they see all the decimated trees tree beard, it's like no time for our counsel.

We're going. It's time to fucking go. Yeah. And so the trees all start marching towards Isaac Garden. It's cool as fuck. And then there's the flood and the tree who puts his himself out on fire in the fucking flood. Love it. So fucking cool. And basically they do they sort of win the battle. And then alternately, we get Sam and Frodo.

in Gondor and they're like, or they're not in Gondor, but they're going to be taken to Gondor. Yeah. They got captured by Faramir who's Boromir's brother. And Faramir is basically like Boromir was always the better brother. So that's why he was sent to go do the ring task. But I kind of wanted to do the ring task. And I was like, Boromir's the guy. He's like, it's my turn to be the guy. You can tell he does not have a pure heart. And he was not the guy though, because he was lame and skittish and not chill. but basically he's like, I want to impress my daddy.

The SWAMP (23:50.302)
And Frodo and Sam are like, literally, can you please understand how important this is? you're about to bring us back so far. And he's like, I don't really care, I'm just a man. But then he sees, he witnesses gay. And that's all it takes. He witnesses the first gay interaction. He realizes that this is beautiful and worth protecting, and so he lets them go. Because Frodo's kind of like getting taken over by the ring. Even he's having a hard time fighting it. Frodo has low iron.

Frodo is a knick. Frodo is so a knick. He like stands up and gets a little woozy cause the ring is sucking all the iron out of his blood basically. Like literally. And he's like not eating and he's haggard. He's in a bad condition and Sam is basically like, Hey, like we got to check in on you. And Frodo is kind of like, this is my responsibility. And Sam is sort of like, bro, like be fucking for real. No, it's not. We can do this together. Let me help you.

And there's this sort of conflict of Smeagol slash Gollum because Frodo is more inclined to let Gollum help them because it is like an opportunity. But Sam is more like wary that Gollum is going to turn. And he has a little bit less like sympathy for Gollum. Which can we talk about the sympathy that Frodo has for Gollum? When they're teed up to fucking merc him and he says, no, spare his life.

He said he's literally so ugly and so pathetic that I have to spare him. this is my favorite. So everyone I think has seen the Thai gingerbread man. The ugly stuffed gingerbread man. The ugly stuffed gingerbread man. anyone that watches online, this guy, this little guy. For those who don't know, was this tweet basically where you can read it. says,

And this is the tweet that kicked it off and now he's become a Christmas icon. But the tweet is a photo of him and it said, saw this guy and said, ew, ew, ew, And then felt so bad. I cried and bought him. And someone just, and it's so, so, so real. Someone said Frodo encountering Gollum for the first time. Literally, ew, ew, ew, ew, he's so ugly. That's Sam. And Frodo's like, we have to save him. Literally. But also I feel like Gollum is just like a homophobic.

The SWAMP (26:08.43)
He's like, get me away from these dirty hobbits. Absolutely, absolutely. Which like, that was the thing too, is that Frodo was like, you weren't so, so different from a hobbit at one time yourself. Was he supposed to? Was he a hobbit? We're gonna get it. We'll get it. We'll get it. Okay. We get the full Gollum rundown in movie three. Okay, okay, good. Yeah, I thought actually that it was going to happen here because you had, you had made a comment that I was like, we'll get to that. But it's actually, it's not movie two, it's movie three.

Yeah, we get the we get the from the day one because we have the bit from the Hobbit, of course. Yes. He's still Gollum. He's been Gollum for a long time. A freaky guy. But yeah, basically, and then the movie ends with Frodo is sort of like taken by the ring a little bit and he pulls his sword, his dagger onto Sam in like a moment of weakness of like he's so caught up in the in the mental anguish of dealing with this ring that he just like

goes into this frenzy and Sam sort of like talks him through it and it's like, don't you recognize me? It's me or Sam. Like you wouldn't hurt me. And he's like not fighting back either. He's like, if Frodo's gonna kill me, that's just what's gonna happen. But like, I need him to realize like that this is the consequences of the situation. he does breaks through to Frodo and Frodo's like, my God, we gotta fucking get outta here, man. I am tired of carrying this thing.

And then Faramir is like, wow, LGBTQ rights. You guys can go. Yeah. Essentially. And that's kind of the mostly. That's sort of the end. Yeah. And then basically they're on their way and that Gollum is going to lead them through what is a quite treacherous pass. He basically says to them, he's like, this is the way I'm going to lead them. And everyone's like, boy, that sounds bad.

but he's like, it's the way. So we kind of get teed up for this end movie where it's like, it's about to get worse. Yeah, which like, not to say that, and I think I can understand why people may not love this one because it does sort of end where it started a little bit. Obviously we've teed up so much and we know more and everything like that. But at the end of the day, it was like very much Sam and Frodo.

The SWAMP (28:24.524)
going through this treacherous path to get to Asengard. And now they're just gonna keep going. And yeah, and they got, yeah, run off the path a little bit. But we get Helms Deep. We did get Helms Deep. get Helms Deep. I... It is pretty fucking epic, especially for 2002. Right? Well, so to get into, I don't know too, too much. Like, I haven't watched the DVD commentary behind this and stuff. It's been a long time. But from...

What I understand is like Helms Deep, the filming and production of that battle sequence is one of the most impressive feats of filmmaking ever. was 120 days of shooting for just the Helms Deep battle sequence. that? Holy shit, because I know there's got to be another bigger battle. Because they did the whole trilogy. It was in 400 something days. So 120 of those days.

were dedicated to Helm Steep. So I have to, I'm sorry, I have to assume that there's another bigger battle that also took like a hundred days. There's another, well, it's just different. There's another battle, but it's a different. different, okay. This one specifically because the fortress. Yeah. And they used a lot of real people. Like those were all- Which you can tell. You can fucking tell. Horses. Yes. Real horses. Yeah, like a lot of real use of, yeah, like huge cavalry and stuff. And so out of-

those 120 days, 90 of them were at night and in the rain. So that's why 90 straight days of filming with either artificial or real rain at night to do those battle sequences with the fucking ladders that were being pulled up and shit. fucking cool. And there's, wasn't Helms Deep, but the, building that's at basically where King Theoden is and Rohirrim, Rohan. They built that building. It's a real fucking building.

They built, yeah. Fucking of course they did. And a lot of them are miniatures, like really, I mean like huge scale, intricate miniatures, but still miniatures. that one building, they fucking, they're like, we're building a castle, a small castle, because it's going to look legit as fuck. As they should. Speaking of miniatures, have you heard that apparently queer, which I haven't seen it yet, but apparently used a ton of miniatures. Yeah, which is awesome. I'm excited. Now I'm actually excited. Yeah.

The SWAMP (30:45.774)
I haven't really seen too much. It just came out and I think it just sort of matriculated into theaters around us. But I know a lot of people who know that guy from Outer Banks. They're like, what the fuck am lot of thirsty teen girls want to go see this movie because they like what's his name, Drew Starkey. Yeah, And they're like, what is this? Girl, it is not for you. Get with the program.

You can go watch Challengers. That's the movie for you. That's true. But no, this is is not for this is for the girls who were there when Suspiria came out. But I also have only seen that one clip of him eating that kebab. I don't think I have. my God. It's like the two of them in a restaurant and Drew Starkey is eating this kebab and the cutting order is so like the kebab is full and then the next shot, it's empty and then the next shot, it's full. Like whoever the script supervisor was.

He's also like holding a cigarette and a kebab in the same hand. It's like, bro, put one down. But yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to see that one. Yeah, I am too. I don't know. not. I like I love actually Daniel Craig, but this hasn't this one hasn't spoken to me that much. You know, it might be a lack of a marketing campaign, probably because I know Daniel Craig has talked about him taking extra time to do like press events and stuff because it wasn't in the budget.

Wow. He's like, I've had to dedicate a lot of extra time because I want this movie to be big. OK. Because like it didn't get the press tour it deserved. So I think he's been going to a lot of like screenings and stuff and really been trying to drum up excitement for it. yeah, we'll check back in once we see that one. We're entering like intense movie territory as far as like award season shit. Like this is when the big the big guys save their release dates because it's about to get fucking real. So I'm pretty excited for the the string of stuff that's

out and about to come out. Well, I mean, we're creeping up on Christmas, which is to to pivot too hard, but we've got it's at least three things coming out Christmas Day, Nosferatu, which I am pretty excited for. Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan. I'm actually planning on going to see it just because. Well, I remember back in the day you said absolutely not. I will not be seeing that. And I think I had thought that as well. But

The SWAMP (33:01.068)
having seen Timmy's press tour. my God, he's the people's princess. He's killing it. I was gonna say, he has done one of the most impressive 180s I have seen in a long time. Cause I think everyone, I don't think it was just us got the ick after Wonka. The Wonka ick. For real, the Kylie Jenner Wonka ick. Yeah. That was sort of like It was a lot on top of each other. But now. That was one year ago actually, cause Wonka came out on Christmas last year. He's...

He's, yeah. He's done it. He's rinsing it up. Yeah. For sure. yeah. Him and Britney Broski. He just released like basically a music video of him just dancing and singing around on a dock to a Bob Dylan song. Just being his goofy self. Obsessed. Yeah. No, I really like it. I hate a biopic. I think it's stupid. I don't think we need a movie about Bob Dylan. Yeah. But I think if he's going to sort of get flowers for this performance, I certainly want to see it as I do believe that Timmy is like our generation's Leo.

Like he's the guy. Sorry, he's the guy. did work on this for like years as well. I didn't realize how much pre-production this did, but like he was on like the set of Dune, playing guitar and learning the songs and stuff like that. And like Dune, like number one. And I've heard people say that his Bob Dylan impression, like the singing is actually pretty fire. Like lest we be forgetting that's a theater kid. Yeah. Yeah. I almost did. I almost did. And I just like...

I like anyone who, I don't know, says something that maybe their PR team is a little wary about. Like I like a chaotic, but he went on a Thea Vaughn's podcast. And he was basically talking about Bernie Sanders and how Bernie Sanders fucking rocks and is a folk hero. And I was like, that is so cool that somebody at this level of fame can say that without it immediately getting scrubbed. You know what I mean? Because I feel like we're shifting into this like weird conservative media space where I'm like the most famous

of our generation saying that Bernie Sanders is a folk hero is like really important. like though low bar and like that it's a questionable within its own right, but it's just like, I don't know, we just need to be like saying shit that doesn't adhere to what they quote unquote like want us to be saying. And even like the Kylie thing, which obviously no one's relationship is my business, but I do respect that they have kept themselves very private and Timothee Charlemagne is dating a young mom.

The SWAMP (35:25.294)
That's pretty cool. Sure, yeah. Lest she be Kylie Jenner, but... Well, yes, yes, but still, it's better than fucking Leonardo DiCaprio dating 25-year-old... Also dating young moms. You know, so...

Ding dong, who is it? hi Jen, come on in to the swamp. You're here to host your interim podcast soiree of a segment where you just present some things. We all say which one we like better. It's a holler. How are you today? I am pretty good. I'm pretty good. I got a little cold, but other than that, I'm good. Love to hear it. And is there a theme this week? No theme. No theme. We're rocking. Are we rocking? No theme all month. day.

Lord of the Rings? A No Theme of the Rings, perhaps? Well, we love it. So chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. I'm gonna say vanilla today. Chocolate. You're a plushie. It's cute, but you don't know what character it is. Or it's a character you love, but the plushie is not cute. always cute, always cute. This is an iconic question because

That is, feel such a struggle of mine that the plushies of the shit I like are ugly as fuck. But then you see something and you're like, this is adorable, but I don't know who this is. I don't know this man. I've been just reorienting myself with the world of Hello Kitty as of late. I've been learning like their names and stuff. All of Hello Kitty's little friends, Cinemarolle. you know, it's just like, it's very cute. And I feel like it's disrespectful that I didn't know their names, but I was like buying key chains and shit. But I'm like, I need to know her story as well.

Because that's how I feel about all those like little, you know, like it's like a mystery package and it has some sort of little figurine inside like a calico critter or something that you can get at Five Below. Like that's my hit of like good endorphins to the brain. Like at the end of a bad day, I just go get a weird little Hello Kitty like keychain or something from Five Below. But they're always mystery. But I've been reading the packages as of late. I've been trying to learn who's who. But always cute, always cute over familiar. Yeah.

The SWAMP (37:37.678)
Yeah, I'm going to go cute over familiar as well. And I feel like Squishmallows have definitely done that for me a lot. Big on that. Yeah, I'm with cute also, even if I don't know who it is. Uh-huh. Next one. Animated Spider-Man like the Spider-Verse Spider-Man or live action like any of the Marvel Spider-Mans. I feel like pound for pound, the animated Spider-Mans are just better movies.

I'm gonna have to go Marvel on this one, guess, actually. Yeah, the early 2000s, the Sam Raimi Spider-Man's classic. Yeah, how can I not? Like, they're classic, but they're good in a way that's also sort of ironic, but I feel like the Spider-Verse movies are genuinely so fucking fire. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, I think there's no wrong choice, but I'll go live action. Okay, something that looks bad but tastes really good.

or something that looks great and just tastes okay? Always tastes better. That's always the correct way. the over presentation of food to the point where it like hinders the dining experience. Yeah. Kick rocks. Give me slop. Give me a plate of slop. do not care. Yes. I think the homemade stuff is always the best. Yeah. And it's always like something like a shepherd's pie.

Yeah, that's the best shit. The best shit is the swap for sure. Next one, a gif or an emoji? Emoji is, it can say so much with so little. An emoji and the motherboard of emoji selection that I have that I can just, know, somebody sends me a paragraph, I can just send them like the orangutan and like, I know that they're going to know what that means, you know, like I can feel it. A gif?

A gift can really miss. feel like a gift too much margin for error. Emojis, string three or four good emojis together. You're good. That's true. That's always a no fail Instagram caption too, if you need it. Yeah, I'm to go emojis on this one as well, just because I think the time of the gift has passed. You know, that was Tumblr days. Which is probably why I like it. I like a good gift. I'm a gift girl, but I send them.

The SWAMP (40:05.1)
like when they don't hit a lot. No, but a cringe, a cringe gif is also kind of fire though, like to send like a really low res minions gif like as a reaction, that's actually sort of elite level humor, I would say. So sending a bad gif on purpose, that can work. Kind of fire. Next one, wrap the presents or gift bag them? Not only do I not wrap, I don't gift bag.

I'm giving it to you in the Amazon box that it came in or like in nothing and it's packaging. I'm sorry. It couldn't be me. I'm just going to hand it to you. I'm going to hand you the thing. Let's not waste, especially if you're going out somewhere, you're like exchanging gifts. Just like, I don't want to deal with this trash then either. don't, guess that's not very festive of me, but I don't really, I don't rap unless I have to. So I guess a gift bag, lazy, low effort.

I like to rap. think it gets me feeling the most festive. So I'm with you. I like to rap. I'm not a good rapper, but I like to Next one. You have a long weekend. You want Friday off or Monday off? Well, Monday off. Friday is kind of Friday anyways. You get the energy of Friday and your Friday is off. It's kind of like whatever. But Monday, because then you avoid the Sunday scaries.

And that's the best part. Yeah. Of an extended weekend. Same. I'll take Monday off. Next one. Drinking a hot drink that got cold or drinking a cold drink that got hot. I'll drink. hot that got cold. I'll drink the hot drink that got cold. Yeah, I am kind of a freak. I actually don't really like my hot drinks to be that hot. Like I almost like it to just be like slightly above room temp. But like to what I think most people would find to be like kind of gross and lukewarm, like that's kind of what I want my coffee at.

is like not non-offensively hot. Fair enough. I'm not quite there, but yeah, I would rather drink the, yeah, a hot drink that, or a cold drink that got hot makes me feel like unwell. Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm gonna get sick. It's like warm lemonade. Yeah, absolutely not. Yeah, or your water gets too warm. No, thank you. No. Same, I'll take the hot drink that got cold. We were just talking about that though. I do like my hot drinks piping hot.

The SWAMP (42:30.862)
as a rule, but. Yeah, like, unbearably, all Jen will have been drinking her coffee and she'll be like, try a sip. And it's like literally burns my tongue beyond recognition. Crazy. I can't. how have you just been casually sipping this? Like I do like a ouch. Yeah. All right. Last one. This is a short night. Last one. Go to the movies on opening night when it's packed or when you have the whole movie theater to yourself.

depends on the movie, depends on who I'm with, because sometimes I want to yap, but sometimes the energy of like a packed theater, like the community experience of like everyone being really freaking excited to watch a movie is very cool. You know, as a movie enjoyer, that is something. But as somebody who likes to go to the movies with people who are a little disruptive and are yappers, myself included, sometimes the empty theater

is also the vibe for like Conclave, you you kind of want to shout some comments over to your girls during Conclave, but like, know, Barbie, you want to be there in the pit, like I'm finna be in the pit at Barbie. So I guess I'll say empty theater though, but there that's a close match. Yeah, I think I'll say empty theater just because I'm never

Like I haven't been that excited about a movie in a long time that I've gone on opening night, but I did see one actually recently that was packed theater and that was fun. But yeah, my regular I'm going to stick with there. I'm going to say empty theater as well. Yeah, same given the choice. I'll go empty theater and but I do like I like going when the energy is high to I'm getting super excited for Oscar season this year for some reason. OK, let's do.

Do you have another chocolate or vanilla or can I I usher in a conversation topic? Yeah, I do not have another chocolate or vanilla. OK, so to end off this segment this week, I want us to each make one prediction, make one Oscar specific Academy Award specific nomination slash win.

The SWAMP (44:42.296)
prediction because right now we know the Golden Globe nomination. So I think that gives us a pretty good idea of what some of the conversation at least at least like a third of it is usually the same. Does it have to be a nomination or can I give a snub? Give a snub. I think search is getting snubbed again hard this year. Do you think I see you've seen that movie? I have not. I the out run. You think it was award worthy?

I absolutely think so. And it's not only that one, but she also has another one out called, what was it, The Blitz or something like that, which has gotten rave reviews, but has not seen any sort of, you know, real.

critical awards for her. At least not yet. That resonates with me in what I've seen about Sebastian Stan, people sort of predicting that he's going to get snubbed, even though I haven't seen either of his two movies right now that everyone's really talking about. think it's going to sort of slip under the radar, but should have probably been in the mix is my snub hot take. What about you, Jen? Yeah, I think that

Javier Bardem is gonna beat Denzel for supporting. That will be my prediction. I definitely agree that the supporting actor race is gonna be like an old boys club thing between Javier and Denzel and celebrating their bodies of work as a whole type.

type beat thing. Stanley Tucci will definitely be in that mix. yeah. Stanley Tucci as well. believe Conclave is now available to rent on video on demand. So hell yeah. If you haven't watched Conclave shouts, shouts that out, especially if you're like an Oscar buzzed type type person. think Ray finds I think he will be taking it. They're going to reverse the supporting an actor presentations because supporting will be better than regular actor. Yeah, truly.

The SWAMP (46:46.038)
All right, well, we'll check back in periodically about the Oscars. If you guys want us to do an episode about Oscar predictions or whatever, me, Emily and Jen love to gab about award season predictions. So let us know and let us know what you think in our comments. Jen, we love you and we'll see you next week. right. You guys have an awesome night. Bye. Bye, Jen. Yeah, no, this did feel like these are Christmas movies, though. I am very glad that we're watching these around.

this time because you know, sure home alone, like, I want to go on a mythical adventure. Wait, speaking of age gap though, let me, let me seamlessly transition into something you may not have known because if you didn't watch the extended cut, did not. You do not know that Aragorn is 87 years old. Did you?

The SWAMP (47:38.446)
I'm sorry, what? So there's this really hilarious scene that cracks me up that I forgot was a No wonder it's the extended cut. What the fuck? I forgot that this was buried in the extended cut. But basically, Eowyn and Aragorn have this conversation, I think it's right before that battle where he seemingly gets killed.

where he explains that he is from this like not race but like group of humans that like are humans but like since they're like Rangers and since they have special abilities they like live for longer and shit so like his life expectancy is probably closer to like a hundred or two hundred years or whatever. So like even though he seems like 40 and hot he is 87.

which is just like so silly and so like, like why? Was this part of the original books is my question. I can't imagine that they add, like, I feel like adding random lore to Lord of the Rings would be fucked. I would be willing to bet that this is canon. I don't think they really diverged from too much. I'd have to fact check myself on that one. Yeah, which I did need some explaining when Aragorn was like going through and they were showing.

like him figuring out that Mary and Pippin had been there and like, no, they got free and everything like that. And I looked at Ryan and I was like, does he have some sort of special powers? And he said, no, he's just really good at his job, Yeah, he's a ranger, which means that he like tracks. He's like, the beetle dung is three days old, which means that they must have been wearing shoes. And you're like.

I so. it was just the way that it was cut. I was like, is he seeing these as he's like touching the ground? He's having like apparitions. Me when I lock in at work. Me when I make a dope infographic at work.

The SWAMP (49:29.288)
Similarly, somewhat similarly, we get this sort of confusing sort of dream state of a cut scene where he basically falls asleep and has a dream about Aowyn. Yes. Or Arwen about Arwen, Liv Tyler. Yes. He has this dream about Liv Tyler and he's like, is this a dream? And she's like, yes, but it's a good dream. But then they like have a full load bearing conversation. yeah. In this dream state. Like literally him being like, no.

we can't be together. Like we gotta talk about the status of the situationship right now in the dream state. you're like. I guess if I was gonna have to deal with something like that, I would also rather do it in a dream state. Right. Because the odds of me having a serious conversation with a real situationship. Zero. Kill myself afterwards. You better hope that I'm in a dream state. But it's like confusing because it's like, are they really communicating or is this he's having a dream? But then it seemingly is like,

she is receptive and this is a real person to person or know, conversation that they're having. So you kind of have to like realize that it's not quite elf magic, but it's some sort of thing in which they're communicating in this like extra space. At the same time though, this is happening in like a flashback too. Isn't this one where they're like walking on the road, he's with his horse girl. He's remembering. He's remembering a dream. This dream conversation that they've had, which just.

more layers to it, which I'm like sitting there, I'm like, huh, when did this happen? How did this happen? What? But it basically is like, she is like, I will give up my elf immortality to be with you. You are the love of my life. he's kind of like, I'm gonna die in battle probably tomorrow. So like, we just got to clear this up now that like, I don't want to be bringing you along for all that. And then her dad is-

Obviously, Hugo weaving is also like, yeah, girl, like this is sort of the way it is. we basically get this again, dream sequence of like him, Aragorn, like aging and dying and becoming a statue and her like staying young, implying that she is going to like outlive him. that she is going to go to this like, I think they're sending a bunch of the important elves off to this like safe.

The SWAMP (51:40.554)
Yeah, I forget what it's called, but it has some sort of something islands. Yeah, I don't know. They're sending them away basically because they're like, we shouldn't fight. But then Galadriel is like, no, we should fight. Yeah. So we get this whole like weird elf dream sequence lore drop. It's like a little bit hard to dissect. But basically, it's like they ended the situationship, but she he still has her necklace. Yeah. So he's still thinking about her, even though he's like, I'm as the situationship.

typically He's like, I'm ready to die basically, but it's not, know, she still But I miss my girl, yeah. She still lives in his heart. So we do kind of get the like AON side romance of love. That's a little more one sided. Yes. But I find that enjoyable as well because it is like, she's very much an audience stand in of just like fawning over him. Yes. Which I love. Okay. A lot of my notes here are just things that I wanted to talk about. Not really.

anything in particular. Hit me with them. Okay, we already talked about the coolest sequence ever. More starting off with, I love that they've got Gollum on the thinnest string possible. A hair. Literally. A cube. They tie him up with a literal cube and they're like, he can't break free of this. And he's screaming and crying. He's like, please take it off of me. It burns. Literally we have one minor inconvenience. Gollum is so real in this. Andy Serkis' performance.

Not to interrupt here. no, please, please. No, this is what. But he so this is really the first time that they had someone in mocap like on set interacting with the other actors. Like mocap had been used in like green screen settings or in, you know, like as an animation tool, but never like on the fucking boots on the ground, which is why it looks so fucking good. It looks grounded and real. when he.

touches Frodo and Sam and when he's interacting with them, it feels like it has weight to it because it does. But this performance really spurred a big conversation of does Andy Serkis' performance as Gollum slash Meagle count and should it be considered for awards and stuff because it's like, we nominating Andy Serkis or are we nominating the character design of Gollum because it's like that obviously- Bro, you can do both.

The SWAMP (54:00.716)
obviously has a part to it, but there's just this one sequence specifically where he's switching back and forth between Gollum and Smeagol and he's having this conversation with himself. my God, me before my period.

Sorry, he was literally, there was a scene, cause I know exactly what you're talking about. And there was a sequence, this like one string of like lines where he's like, no one likes you, you're the worst. Yeah, literally, literally. No, I love when he's like, let's pretend that we have a feast and he like is fake eating like nothing. And I'm like, girl, so real, stay delusional queen. But I just, feel like that acting performance should have been the breakthrough thing that ushered Mocap into the conversation of, because I'm like,

absolutely it should be rewarded what he brought to it, because he is the character. I'll tell you what, all of Gandalf's sexual energy moved into Gollum and Smeagol. You said you were ready for this as well. I mean, it was just like, just, I missed it.

I miss Gandalf the Grey. Of course. I really do. Get off the way. He's a little too straight and narrow. Yeah, it's just not for me. He's got his eye on the prize. And you know what? I respect it. As a military leader, I respect it. But you know what? As somebody who's just looking to chill, not my vibe. Yeah, Gollum has this one line where he says, give it to us raw and wriggling. And he's talking about wanting fish. Yeah, or like rabbit or something like that. my God. I said, Yeah, that's where it all went. I love when he's down in the pool.

And they're like, that's the ancient and important pool. And if anyone goes in it, they're put to death. And Gollum's down there like doing a literal food dance, because he's so excited to be getting fish. He's a, he does a little song. It's something it's like, you know, eating fish. Like so, so good. And basically Faramir is like, we're going to cap this motherfucker right now. Go get your boy. And Frodo's literally like, I'm so sorry. He's literally so ugly and so annoying. Please spare him. Like.

The SWAMP (56:04.342)
Which like, what else can you do for gall? Yeah, Orc births. Orc birth. That was a lot. I wanna be birthed out of slime like that. Well, yeah, it really is just, I mean, the same idea as a regular birth and they're coming out of the sack, but it's all from the mud. And it just really reminds me of, God, what's his name in Raising Arizona.

my God, John Goodman. John Goodman being birthed out of the mud, coming out of the prison. He's an Urkai. I would have loved if John Goodman made a cameo as an Urkai in this movie. my God. He would have crushed as a fucking military leader. Killed. Obsessed. Yeah. Where, John Goodman, where were you in 2002 and why weren't you in New Zealand? Yeah, no, that was one thing that I really loved. Obviously the fight.

Ringo as Sam makes a lot more sense after watching this one. Right. We talked about this a little bit last week, but anyone who doesn't know, the Beatles were the first people to really want to make the Lord of the Rings into a movie. Which is hilarious. Yeah. Also, we have our casting. Yeah. Somewhat officially, but I think officially we have our Beatles boys. Yeah. I hate it. I hate it. My ass will be sad, but I'm like going to be a I'm not pleased. They should have. And don't get me wrong, because

We don't need a movie about the Beatles, I'm sorry. Like, they just put out that fucking documentary and it was good. ugh. But, yeah, we just don't need it. And I think if you're gonna do it, fucking cast unknowns. I'm not going into that theater as much as I absolutely love Paul McCartney and Paul Mescal. That's just Paul Mescal to me. I'm sorry. Like, you, this is the thing that I don't think I'm gonna be able to suspend my disbelief with, you know?

It's a little ridiculous. We both got sort of like a gifted though because your boy is playing your favorite Beatle and my boy is playing my favorite Beatle. Yeah, you got... I don't even really like that guy. I just like have a weird hyper fixation. He's hot. Well, yes. And I also don't even really like the Beatles or George Harrison. I just think George Harrison is like objectively the best Beatle. Or that his solo stuff is the only one that I will consume by choice. Really. Fair enough. Fair enough.

The SWAMP (58:24.026)
I love Paul's whimsical ass, unfortunately. He does have some really wacky ones in there, but yeah.

I gotta speak my truth, I'm not a really big Barry Keoghan fan. Well yeah, these days. Well in general, like he... These days he's been cringe. I didn't like Saltburn, I thought Saltburn was a bit cringe. Yeah, because Saltburn was kinda cringe. Saltburn was iconic for the discourse, but the film itself does not hold up. Well I just think Emerald Fennell is fucking hack. shit writer, yeah. my god, not Wuthering Heights with fucking Jacob Elordi as Heathcliff.

Isn't he literally supposed to be a brown man? Yeah, where's Depp Patel? Where is Depp Patel? Yeah, so. Pissed. Yeah, it's just more like Hollywood, not even nepotism, but like I just hate that. And I know that I know that this has happened since the dawn of time, that so many actors have their favorite directors and so many directors have their favorite actors and everything like that. Jacob Elordi, I'm sorry, you're better than Emerald Funnel. Yeah, you're fucking better than that. I mean, and so many like

I think we just need to, Nicole Kidman needs to like sprinkle fairy dust on Hollywood and get these bitches working with new directors. Because I'm exhausted. Like watching Deni and Luca talk about like their joint custody of Timmy and Zendaya, I don't care anymore. Give them other roles. True, true. So I don't know. That's my rant. We'll check back in after baby girl and see. I'm excited for that.

is the other Christmas day release. That's the thing that I'm genuinely excited Baby Ratu. We rocking a baby Ratu? I mean, I guess we gotta.

The SWAMP (01:00:12.974)
my God. Yeah, Baby Ra 2 is what is the thing that I'm most excited for this year. I I hate the Barber Barbenheimer vacation of any to any two movies that are coming out. God. Watching that like conflicting like aesthetic styles like the force, the fucking glycid. Yeah, watching it. Good shit. Whoever is not real, bro, whoever told Ariana Grande that that was a thing needs to be shot in the fucking head because you just made your girl look like an

idiot on actors on actors. She's looking at Paul Mescal saying, Glickid. Paul Mescal has no idea. He says, where am I? Paul Mescal's too busy trying to fucking teach at Gracie Abrams how to breathe when she sings. my God, no, they broke up, heard. Did I read on Twitter. I did not hear that. I saw them last week going to the SNL after party together. maybe I'm wrong. Well, I hope he broke up with her after that performance because I don't know if you saw it. my God, Barbra Streisand saying, my friend paid me to post about his daughter.

It's so embarrassing. Well, did you see the performance? Yeah, she's bad. Yeah, she's a bad singer. Which like, don't get me wrong, SNL stage is hard to sound good on. It's not that hard. Girl, that was your voice in a microphone. Yeah, breathy. Do anything else. Breathy and unimpressive. Sorry, Gracie, flop. Sorry, babe, but you're a flop. This is the thing that's gonna shut us down. Now she's gonna have so much time on her hands that are... my God.

She's gonna have AI search us for all the, how much shit. Put into chat GPT who are my biggest haters and a photo, an AI rendered photo of our two faces like morphed together. my God. I'm sorry. anyone that's listened to this podcast by now knows this is a hater podcast. This is where I get it out. And you know what? I don't think I'm better than anyone else. No. I think I'm worse. That's why I'm punching up.

Like dog, this really isn't, you know, I don't have a whole lot to lose. So Gracie Abrams though, if you'd like to be in contact, I'd love to talk to you about your favorite movie. I'd to talk to your dad actually. I'd love to yell at your dad. I want to talk to your dad about Lost. Was that him? yeah. I don't know anything about that. yeah. That man made Lost.

The SWAMP (01:02:28.494)
Well, he, well, yeah, that's we're not going to get into last. Gracie, this is us formally inviting you to career change. To quit music. Yeah, we're pivoting. We're going to come up with. We're going to write a movie for you, girl. We can figure something out. Me, I've never written shit in life. Me writes a tweet once every six months. I'm like, I could write a movie. As if. We got a master's in a. And who's to say? And fake. And fake degree. Yeah, yeah.

Fake degree from Fake Degree Island. Yeah. Whatever. But my favorite assessment of this movie, so I find that real fucking bitches say this is their favorite one. The realest fucking motherfuckers I know throw down that The Two Towers is their favorite Lord of Rings movie. Okay, for me, this is equivalent to New Moon.

This is a new moon. yeah. And real bitches love new moon. yeah. This is a new moon. Accurate, I think that I'm excited to hopefully like six to eight months from now go back and rewatch these and actually figure out what my favorites are. Right. Because right now it's- First impressions, yeah. Yeah, because right now it is still the fellowship. How can you not? Well, and that's, I say real bitches, real bitches say number two, but I'm not a real bitch. I'm a basic bitch. And I like number one.

Number, like, I'm sorry, I love an origin. I love the zest and the magical and the world building of number one just like always fucking gets me. Girl, Frodo jumping on to Gandalf like a spider monkey. In the first three minutes, like, yeah, you've got my ass. But I love, I watched this for a second time with my husband Henry who loves this one. And he basically came Is he a real bitch? Is this his He's a real bitch. Yeah, he's a real bitch. And my cousin Erin who provided almost all of the fun facts that we have listed.

of this website have come by proxy through Erin. Thank God, yes. Our legal counsel. Our legal counsel Erin, who also actually sent me a decent amount of good materials on our commentary last week about sort of like the race element of the Lord of the Rings. How enlightening. Sort of like, you know, there's obviously some racial stereotypes being employed to represent certain groups because this is supposed to be like a mythological thing. it's like sort of unavoidable, but it is problematic. But she me all this stuff that basically was like,

The SWAMP (01:04:49.486)
in between the writing of The Hobbit and then The Lord of the Rings that he like really wanted to pivot the way he portrayed the dwarfs as a Jewish stereotype in The Hobbit. that's good at least I guess. he like really tried to reform it and make it more of like a integrated and important thing rather than just like a direct reflection of a stereotype. And he was also like super against working with any publishers who had associations with the Nazi party and like

staying kind of chill. So JRR Tolkien was maybe about as chill as a white guy from England could have been in the 1800s. Like maybe, I don't really, like sure, right? But like the intention actually, like he did address sort of the- I'm just glad to see, you know, growth. Yeah, and I think we can always take a modern perspective on, it's like an old classical piece of literature. Of course things have changed in people's

I don't know, like socioeconomic perceptions of the world have shifted greatly until then. So watching these movies or looking at these books now, it's just going to be so much more to compare it to than I'm sure like when it was made. reeling back, so Henry had this great system while we were watching that any given scene can be split into two categories, which are defined by an expletive. And you can either say, those boys are so brave.

or you can go, hi-yah! And like any scene in this is one of those two things. It's all like, wow, those boys are so brave, or hi-yah! Which it can sometimes be a little bit of both, actually. ultimately, ultimately, it's often a hi-yah. Like this is a hi-yah ass movie. yeah, a lot of horses. Spank the horse, hi-yah, moving my god, especially, and it's just, is probably one of the best scenes of the entire movie.

shots at least is when Gandalf finally comes back and he's reunited with this beautiful white horse. It's just them all galloping so fast along this beautiful countryside of New Zealand. It's just stunning. Suddenly Littlefinger showing up with the Riverlands at the Battle of the Bastards is seeming a little referential to me. A little bit. I'm like, so we got it from Gandalf. We got it from the Rohirah. Understood.

The SWAMP (01:07:16.206)
Fuck with the Rohirah. no, I'm talking about like earlier, like when like he- when he first, on the rock and he shows up and he fades the white light. says, hey girlies, you miss me? He said, Gandalf, I haven't heard that name in years. Yeah, right? And you're like, saw you die literally two days ago. He said, hmm, I guess so. It's been a million lifetimes for me, quite frankly. yeah, sure, whatever you say. Me with my short term memory loss. I'm like, honestly, I've lived a thousand lives He kinda lucid a little bit.

You know what mean? Yeah, they unlocked the 99 % of his brain that was cut off before. They basically, dried him out from from weed, the halflegs leak. They made Gandalf take a tea break and he locked the fuck in and said, I'm going to win a war now. Yeah, I guess that's what happens when you take a break.

Should we get into our regular sketch? Yes, yes. feel like, so for Fuck, Marry, Kill, do we want to do the whole movie? No, I think we should get it. I think there's a core, there's two core threes. Okay, so And then whole movie. wait, Gimli, Legolas, and Aragorn are our three. my God, them running across that mountainside and Gimli being so far behind. Love it. Was so fucking real. love it. Like that's me, out of breath being like, can you please slow down the pace? Yes.

still marrying Gimli. That hasn't changed. Yeah. he, if anything, he made me giggle more in this one. Yeah. Yeah. riding that face till the dawn.

Sprayin' that beard while I'm down there. Adding some beads in there. Yeah, love a multitask. Lego still doesn't do it for me. Well, he had like three lines in this whole movie, but he did surf down that staircase on his fucking shield. That was really hot. Very dope. But doesn't make up for the fact that he's essentially a nothing character. I think not. I don't know. Well, I, cause here's my thing is dick from a man that's busted up about his situationship is not something that I want.

The SWAMP (01:09:16.238)
He's gonna, he's gonna say her name. I'm going to get offended. He's going to cry afterwards. But then I'm going to like realize that it's Liv Tyler. And I'm like, no, you can say her name. Like that's fine. Exactly. Exactly. But yeah, I just don't. I mean, he might not even get it up. Honestly. He's 87. Yeah. He's really going through it. So I'm going to, I think I'm going to kill Aragorn this time, just because I think honestly, he would be thankful for it. For real. So I guess I'll fuck Legolas. Yeah, that's fair. I'm going to still kill Legolas because I'm bored with him.

He can surf down those stairs into this pussy. He can take that 40 inch silk press blonde wig and hang it up before he enters my cavern. What about you? I think I'm going to marry Aragorn still. Okay. Because I think I'm going to help him bounce back and I think I can maybe be like a support system.

We can work A-Win and R-Win into the mix. I think we can figure something out. I'm gonna kill Legolas, because I'm just bored with them. I'm gonna fucking wait. I can we actually, I mean, we talked about this last time. We can't really do fuck, marry, kill with the hobbits, because they are children, aren't they? No, I'm gonna fuck Treebeard. Yeah, okay. I wanna see what that's about. know I'm gonna marry, I wanna fuck Carl Urban.

He was hot. So hot in this. I actually so Henry and I jokingly will say Carl Urban in as aggressively. Carl Urban. Like as aggressively bad of an Australian slash New Zealand accent as I can muster because when he in the boys it's so like Carl Urban. I'm Billy Butcher.

It's like a lot of that. And so- I mean, it's very much like, you know how people have like different phrases to slip into characters and everything like that? Urban. Yeah, like, I mean, Carl Urban could use his literal name to slip into his- For the longest time, my mom was like, who is Kyle Irving?

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She's like, who is Kyle Irving? You guys keep talking about Kyle Irving. And I'm like, no, Carl Urban. But we're just saying it like Kyle Irving. Yeah, like that is actually a real assessment. But him and his grumpy little, like I'm not a horse girl, but I could come around to it. I mean, and I'm gonna kill freaking Grimo Wormtongue, that little freaky little freak. Yeah, I'm gonna kill, who am gonna kill?

Also, Faramir, Boromir's brother, Faramir, fucking sucks. Would kill him. sucks, Yeah, I actually think I'm gonna kill the... Because who was the person that was supposed to be the king under the King of Rohan? Who was the next in line? Was it Carl or...? He's more like their military leader. He leads their...

The Rohirrim, which are the horse guys. And he's his uncle or something, maybe? Like they are related, but I don't know. Yeah, I couldn't remember how. is dead. yeah, his son is dead. Yeah, which is like the whole thing. Yeah, I guess I'll kill the Grima. Yeah, Grima's gross. I'm gonna fuck Gandalf. I'm gonna fuck Gandalf. Fuck him back to the gray. Yeah. Remind him of his roots. my God, I'm eating him so high and give him the stupidest dome.

I'm like, no, can you put, know you're the white now, but can you put the gray hat on, please? If anything's gonna bring him back to it, it's getting him high. Right, right. And then I'm gonna marry, I think I'm gonna marry Carl Irvin. Of course, it's the sleigh. You can be the horse girl queen. Fine by me. I want one of those helmets with the coon-dee little horse hair ponytail. I'm not great at riding horses. have been.

I have fallen off a horse before, That's why you even got that far. I don't think I've ever touched a horse. You should not. I don't think I've ever physically made contact with a horse because I'm too scared. You would put on a pony like a hobbit. my God, yeah. Yeah. Bill the pony. Yeah. But, and then what do you?

The SWAMP (01:13:17.334)
eating and drinking. mean, we- You made me a beautiful short rib. Thank you. is- with a mashed potato, a rosemary mashed potato. It is my favorite, like, basically date night dish to do because you just sear it and then you fucking cover it and you let it go for three hours. Let your red wine reduce for like 30 minutes. It was the- as much as I will give myself the thumbs up on the meat, it's always the sauce.

that really makes the thing. was probably my best sauce. I am going to say a short rib and some sort of wine. think any sort of variation of like a beef stew will work. absolutely. Any sort of beef stew or like roast, a pot roast of any sort will work. I also think like anything, a meat pie or like a shepherd's pie or a chicken pot pie.

Yeah, anything, any sort of like dense, hearty, wintery, meat based dish with like a lot of butter. Yeah. I think that's what you want. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, because it's hard. It's hard to say anything other than what we actually did. I mean, unfortunately, we are we are kind of getting back on our shit. Yeah. Thank God. So and then, of course, you just you follow this up with The Return of the King. Yeah, of course. But I will. haven't seen it yet. And I've seen it. It's got like just OK reviews, but

shouting out that the war on Rohirrim is a new Lord of the Rings animated movie. word. That's in theaters right now. it's specifically about the people from this second movie. it's, I guess they did kind of rush the production of it in order to keep the IP. I've been actually quite interested as of late in tracking the way that production companies will make things in order to not lose IP rights. Like basically like Disney.

continuing to make all these Lion King shit is like really out of fear of lack of losing IP for like merchandise. It's like weird, I don't know. Like the business production side of media is actually like so telling as to like why a lot of the shit happens the way it does. But basically I they were gonna lose the Lord of the Rings IP holding in some capacity. And so they pushed out this movie because you have to be actively using.

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in order to like legally retain it. So I'm interested to see if it was any good. But I'm still it's about a woman, which is interesting. I was going to say we don't get that. They don't really do that a lot. Here's about a horse girl who rises up and is awesome. So I think they're sort of taking the the A.O.N. energy and making a horse girl movie, which I will be interested to see if I catch it in theaters. I would hope to. But if not, I'll definitely be watching it at home. I am a fan. haven't watched the show either. The live action show. Yeah, I've heard.

different things. But I would be interested to participate in the discourse on it as I do like things like that. So maybe I'll catch up to it once I'm with Dune, the Dune show. I'll get around to it once I need a new political intrigue fantasy type high production show to be on my roster. Yeah, really exciting to roll in to movie three next week. holidays to all who celebrate. Hopefully you have some time off of work and some time to like.

chill and eat some food and be with your family. Like nothing too stressful. Cause you know, this time of year can be fucking great, but it can also kind of suck. So shouts out to everyone. Hopefully spirits are high. If they're not, watch these movies. Just put on the Lord of the Rings. Do what I did as a child and hide at the family function and go watch Lord of the Rings in a closet on the portable DVD player. And honestly.

Keep your peace. Like, keep your peace. Put on the two towers and cash. Love you all. Thank you for listening. Please continue to send us suggestions. Of course, we'll be doing Lord of the Rings through this month, but who's to say what this year?

Who's to say what 2025 will have in store for the swamp? So please let us know what movies you'd like us to cover, what new stuff is out that you'd like to hear us talk about, especially as awards season comes in. We love to have a little chit chat about how much we love to hate the Oscars. So anything in that domain, please send in your thoughts, opinions, hot takes. We love to hear it. And thank you all for listening. Thank you for being here and goodbye and good night.