Speed

Covering an objectively fire movie during bad movies month, sorry! We didn't realize only the sequel was lame. Turns out Keanu reeves as a bomb squad cop with a buzz cut is really doing it for us this week. Sandra Bullock's wig? Not so much.

Awkward Ellen Interview with Keanu
Bluesky (New Social Platform to replace the bird)
Movie Grid Game

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:00.174)
Pop quiz hot shot, what's the name of this podcast? The Swamp. And is it an acronym? Indeed it is, stands for some wack ass movie podcasting. Pop quiz hot shot, love that shape. Hey, what's up you guys? Honestly, I'm gonna be real, we fumbled the bag this week because we were doing movies that are bad, but bad in a way that is fun good.

And I'm gonna be so real with you right now. I've never seen the movie Speed. I put that shit on and by the end, I was so delighted. I was like, I cannot in good faith get on this podcast and say that this is a bad film. I had a blast and I, I, ooh, I'm not someone who likes to spend my time watching movies that are, that I think are gonna be bad. So I went in with a sour mindset.

180 by the end of it. Honestly, 180 by like six minutes in, was like, wait, this is good. Which I now in retrospect, and I have done some like Googling, I now realize that it's speed two cruise control that we should have done as a movie. As a movie that is so bad that it's good because speed is speed, but speed. So speed is about a bus that has to go fast. Speed two is about a boat that has to go slow.

It's the antithesis of speed. It's the inverse just brilliant. Brilliant. It no sense. It has like a two out of 10 on Rotten Tomatoes or something. I'm like, honestly, we probably should have that one. in retrospect, I'm glad we did speed because now that I've seen speed, can see speed to cruise control. Yes. So I'm setting myself up for success, really. Well, I felt like going into this that this was the right pick. And that it was to be bad. That it was a bad movie. That was my understanding of it.

in the cultural site guys speed, not shit. Well, because it's kind of interesting because the concept of the movie is absurd. It's that there's a bus that needs to keep going over 50 miles an hour and if it drops below 50, then a bomb gets detonated and will go off and blow up the bus. That's the plot point. So this is basically some man just extrapolating out this insane idea to the nth degree and the millions of dollars of budget to be like,

The SWAMP (02:18.24)
So what if there was a bomb on a bus, but the bus had to keep going? And then being like, thinking of scenarios like, but wait, but what happens if someone tries to get off the bus? No, and I'm honestly, I loved it. I have to disagree with you here actually, because I think that this movie is what happens if you took an eight year old and you dropped him in film school. Yes. And then once he turned 12, you gave him $28 million and you said, go make a movie.

This is the movie he makes. This is exactly, we're like beat for, beat shot for shot. That's the movie and it's brilliant. And the writing as well. Also done by a 12 year old boy named Joss Whedon.

So this uncredited dialogue supervisor Joss Whedon just fucking putting his little grubby hands into every piece of media on my fucking screen between the years 1990 and today. Not so much anymore. He's been pretty publicly canceled. But yeah, we're gonna talk about Speed, the 1994 film starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock today with you all. I had never seen it. Emily had never seen it. I also thought it was gonna be bad. It's about a bus that has to go fast. I thought it would be bad.

Of course it sounds bad. It looks bad. The poster looks bad. Even watching it, I'm sitting there watching it thinking this is bad. And I'm looking back at my movie viewing experience and thinking I had the time of my life. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's brilliant filmmaking right there. All

They really knocked it out of the park with, I'm trying to look, so the director, John de Bont, he was the cinematographer of Die Hard, which really checks out to me because this movie feels like if Die Hard, like the origin, like the brainstorming of Die Hard, like somebody in the writers room was like, this is good, but I have a different idea. And then they just took the basis of Die Hard and did something else.

The SWAMP (04:21.614)
Like die hard ended up at the center of the mind map and speed was way over up in the top corner. Yeah, but somebody's like, I'm gonna take this, I'm gonna take this sticky note and put it in my little pocket and save it for a rainy day. I'll tell you what, you could have fooled me with the start of this movie, the longest scroll I've ever seen in my life. Those starting credits. yeah. Did you not?

10 minutes. Sure. I don't mind. It's the nineties. I don't mind an open credit sequence. They usually take a while. I don't know. I don't know. I ascribed it to being something of the times because I always tend to notice in modern movies that we don't do that anymore. We don't do like a lengthy opening credit sequence. And when we do, it always feels so mindful in new movies that I'm like, this is an interesting choice. But I always forget that like pre 2000, every, almost every single movie up front tells you who edited.

who directed, who, all of it at the front end. And then, know, the cast at the end, which is, it's interesting. Here's the thing that threw me off though, is that usually even in the nineties, or I'll think of like Catch Me If You Can, and I think of those opening credit sequences. Stylized, yes. Stylized, which obviously, yes, comparing speed to Catch Me If You Can is a very large jump. But stylized, this was just like set against like,

some weird like animated pipes and that was it. And it just scrolled for 20 minutes. And honestly it was giving Die Hard, it was giving Die Hard to Exactly, right? That's what I'm saying. Like if you turned that on and just by the scroll, could have, I would have honestly, Die Hard might've been on my mind map of what movie is this. And I didn't mind the 10 minute credit sequence because it gave me the time to Google who directed this. What did you do?

Who from Die Hard worked on this? Enlighten me because I was like, let me know what connection this to Die Hard because this opening credit sequence looks like Die Hard. Yeah, enlighten me because I did not do any of the Googling on that end. just it's just the the director's the cinematographer of Die Hard. That's why it looks like Die Hard. Has he done anything else? Is there anything of note? Yeah, Twister. And then, you know, they just made Twisters.

The SWAMP (06:40.234)
Well, yes, of course. He also he did the 2003 Lara Croft Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie. sure. He did that movie, if you know. I don't know so much what he's written because he's a cinematographer. He does that as well, obviously. yeah, yeah, the stylistic through line is evident in this, you know, 90s action movies. It's it's all a little bit of the same sort of flavor, flavor text. the 90s buzz cut. Can we talk about Keanu Reeves's hair?

It's okay, because here's the thing. that that something about that? That's not a regular buzz cut. Am I wrong? Well, so typically a buzz cut, you use the buzzer and you just don't put an attachment on it and you go straight to the scalp, right? That's a buzz cut. A buzz cut is when you buzz your hair. But this was like a like a sexy grown out buzz cut. Like he buzzed it like two months ago and it's like maybe like three weeks ago, you know, like a slightly grown out buzz cut. I don't really know, but it's a weird hair for... no, no, I can tell you exactly what it is. He's hitting it with a...

with a, God, like a size. The attachment, he's doing like a three. A two. A two. He's doing a two. Sure, I respect it. They kind of had to do that because he's a cop in this movie. Well, yeah. They couldn't be giving him like floppy Keanu Reeves hair. That just wouldn't really make sense. But I guess they. I loved this. They cast him and they were like, he needs to be like strong and hot.

because he's a cop, but he also can't be like too big or physically intimidating. He needs to be kind of wiry because he needs to be fitting under the bus. Realistically, this cop needs to be like squeezing into tight spaces. So they're like, he needs to be kind of agile and nimble, but like obviously he still needs to be sexy because we need that appeal. so they sort of- Like chiseled Gumby. So yeah, they like went around on a couple of different actors. They were like Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, know, thinking about a couple of different people and then they landed on-

Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck? Also, for Sandra Bullock's role, they considered Ellen DeGeneres. well, it was written with her in mind Imagine if this movie was Tom Hanks and Ellen DeGeneres. my God. I have a lot to say about Ellen DeGeneres. Do you want to hear it now or later? Ellen DeGeneres? Yes. Yeah, that's the one.

The SWAMP (08:58.284)
Lay it on me. Well, no, so I went down the rabbit hole because obviously, I will say that I think that their chemistry is great. They wanted to fuck for real. Exactly. They both had crushes. Well, that's the whole thing. They both had crushes on each other. They talked about it on Ellen. I went back and I watched both of these clips and I was sitting there and I was just like, why the fuck did we ever entertain the idea that Ellen was a good talk show host ever?

Cause I mean, especially looking back at it now. And I mean, I think that she can work with a lot of people, but she's in the same way of like, like Jimmy Fallon is where they can keep that mask on. But every now and then there's one or two that they can't crack. And then like Jimmy Kimmel will break. Like Jimmy Kimmel was broken by.

The Costco guys. The Costco boys, yes, the Costco guys. Yeah, okay, I actually, Jimmy Fallon is fine. Jimmy Fallon is fine. Jimmy Kimmel is a hack. Jimmy Fallon, think is, I have no issues with him. Jimmy Kimmel rubs me the wrong way. I don't I don't like Jimmy Fallon. I don't like Jimmy Kimmel either, but I think they rub me the wrong way in different ways, but like, just watching, anyways, Ellen and Keanu Reeves, if you wanna see like a truly painful interview, go fucking watch that.

Cause I don't know if it's just that Keanu Reeves is the kind of guy who's not gonna like entertain the schmoozing and the Hollywood and all that shit. But like, it's just really evident that like, Ellen is kind of ass at her job. Because you obviously just can't talk to a man like a regular person.

You know, it's just weird. That's not surprising to me. I always thought Ellen was like a hack in the way that we were getting like Damn Daniel with the white seekers on Ellen, like random, like the boy from Target, like random. That's Ellen's show never had any credibility because she was doing fucking shit like that. yeah. It was never it was never good. It was always like we got someone to prank you. I'm like, this isn't talking about their new projects or anything. This is interesting. I still feel like I was always getting like the Ellen clips, though, you know.

The SWAMP (11:11.766)
I mean, it was just daytime TV. I guess they were blasting that shit constantly. I mean, like, I think back to like Seth Meyers, like I think Seth Meyers is an amazing TV host. Obviously, Graham Norton, I mean, friend of the pod. Friend of the pod.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know that we're friends, but we're friends. doesn't know, but I promise we are. The parasocial relationship where I pretend that he's interviewing me is like... Yeah, if anyone has a parasocial relationship with us through this podcast, just know that I also have a parasocial relationship with Graham Norton. With Graham Norton. It just goes up the chain, you know? Yeah, I know Graham Norton really fantasizes about like what I don't even know. What could Graham want?

possibly want for in this life. Getting, I don't know, not knighted or anything like that. I don't know, what do the British people do? Graham Norton. Sir Graham Norton. mean, yeah. I sponsor that. I'll sign a petition. In my head, he already has that. But yeah, I don't know what they do for Brits. Because I was going to say like a Kennedy Center honor, but that's like not. No, that's, is the exact thing they do in Britain is that they knight you. Yeah, that's the Kennedy Center honor for Britain is that you get the knighted.

than I could, I That's way cooler than getting a fucking Kennedy Center honor. you got a- Dame Imelda Staunton, she just got damed. If you want to have a prefix like that though, you have to accept that you're like participating in like a deeply colonialist system and like fucked, like fucked shit, you know? Like I get that the symbolism today, like I understand- I understand Elton John didn't personally like-

take part in any conquering of land. But I am like, know, proudly doing the whole sir and the dame and all that. like, I don't, that feels. I think it's on its way out though. Cause I mean like. yeah. It's dated. Yay. I think, think Imelda is one of the last ones that we're going to see getting. Really? I think so. I mean, no one is a fucking monarchist these days and all that shit. Yeah. God.

The SWAMP (13:22.168)
God. Yeah, thank God. But I mean, I will say some people's names are made for it better than other people's. that's true. It's like people who go by the first, middle, last, or like the hyphenated last name, like Helena Bonham Carter, like people who can really pull off like the full, chunky name. Like they're also the people who can pull off the dames and the dukes and the sirs and the... Yeah, like, I mean...

The only person that I ever really do it with because it's really warranted is Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Dame I didn't even, Maggie Smith was never, Dame Maggie Smith, sure. But it just, it's not the same. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Stench. Hey! I've never smelt her. I couldn't tell you.

But, you know, speaking of anti-imperialism, anti-colonialism... I'm really interested to see how you're tie this back. How I'm going to actually circle this back around to telling all these people to follow us on a new social media app? How am gonna make that work? Well, basically, what I'm here to say is that Twitter, X, whatever, is fucked. Elon Musk is fucked. Everything is really fucked. So I was trying to think of ways to distance myself from...

shit that sucks, right? Cause that's all you can really do right now is just try to be fucking mindful. And so I had a friend who told me about this new app called Blue Sky. This is not sponsored. This is just me telling people where we're going to be at now. So I'm going to move all of our Twitter X content. think I'm going to shut the account down. We don't really use it anyway. I'm going to move over to this new app.

called Blue Sky, I'll put the link in the description below. It's basically somebody block for block recoded old Twitter and it just operates like Twitter before it was fucked, like a good old fashioned 2016 Twitter feed. And from what I've seen so far, the people on the app seem to be generally positive, leftist, sharing art, just cool old Twitter vibes. I don't know how long it'll last and I don't know how successful it will be, granted that millions of people have to start using a social media for it to even.

The SWAMP (15:27.86)
mildly catch on, but it seems like a good replacement and I like the vibes so far. So I'm going to, I'm going to shout out that, you know, we're over there now. If you want to make an account and check it out, I've generally had a positive experience with it so far in replacing Twitter entirely in my personal life.

So yeah, yeah, fuck the government, fuck the capitalists, fuck the billionaires who are trying to fucking fuck shit up and just go use this free new app that's trying to replace it. That's all I can tell you to do. Different spaces are really important and having spaces for people to interact and build communities and everything like that. I just want to like do a quick shout out. Like I really, especially in the last like week and a half or so, like it has become a lot more evident to me how important community is.

And the community that we've built here, it's fucking huge. And I really value just every single one of you guys. Well, it may not be huge in size, but it is huge in No, yes! And huge in my heart. And huge in my heart. I have, I mean, yeah, I have learned so much. I've had so many amazing conversations with so many people. And it's just really important to take up space. Don't let people tell you not to take up fucking space. Yeah. Fucking for You deserve your space. Put your space out into the world.

and create communal spaces because that's all we've got right now. And also specifically bringing it back to social media as I'm like, want a space that I can see things from real people who I choose to follow and interact with in a logical ordered system. would love that. On a dashboard that I get to curate that doesn't have- that sounds so nice. That sounds so nice, right? Wait.

Does that exist? Anymore? Literally hardly. I'm like the reason I'm still gripping onto Tumblr with my fucking talons is because it's really- You are one of the molest- Yeah, truly one of the stonest Tumblr users I have ever met. But do you know what it is? It's I choose blogs to follow and-

The SWAMP (17:29.804)
What they post gets shown to me on a dashboard of ordered content. can choose which hashtags to follow. That's there. It's nothing I don't want. ads, yeah, there should be- to me. But I can just, they're not disguised as being content. The ads are a banner ad, right? A good old classic banner ad that I can click X and ignore. And I just think that it's awful how much I have to yearn for the 2010s.

Right? Like, why are we moving so far backwards? But I was just happy to find this app that seemed like the old social media that I liked. And I like talking to people and I like seeing content that's from people, not from like weird organizations and businesses trying to make money and shit. I don't know. Fucking bullshit. But also short form content is also destroying everyone's brains. So please engage with- Please engage with something that takes more than one brain cell to consume. Please use two.

If you don't mind, if you don't mind looking at something that takes two brain cells, that's my challenge for the human race right now is to use two brain cells. And I'm part of the problem. Don't get me wrong. I'll tell you, I will say it. It's a disease. It's an addiction and a disease. The boar worms have gotten to me as well. Not the boar worms. Not the boar worms. my God. my God, but Keanu Reeves can bore his worm into me anyway.

But speaking of his hair my God, it's really something. What had happened though is that they were like, we need this sort of skittier guy who could still be a cop. they found Keanu Reeves, but they're like, look at him, floppy hair, not a cop. So they buzzed it. And then the studio looked at him and they were like, we need to delay the movie. They're like, look at his hair. No one's going to recognize. They're like, that's not the mint. That's not point break. They're like, that's not Keanu Reeves. Sure. my God. They're like, we have to grow it out a little bit or something. And they were like, no, he has to be a cop. You just have to ex.

except that this high and tight sort of look is what we're going for in this movie. And my God, thank God that they died on that hill because I think it looks really fucking good. my God. little switch up. I love getting a little switch up from Keanu. Cause we get long hair, Keanu Plenty. Exactly, exactly. I'm not mad about it. You know what this is? This for me, bringing it back to a hot D because I'm always happy to, this is my short hair Damon. Right, right. We only get him for one episode. We get Keanu for one movie and that's it.

The SWAMP (19:45.824)
And it is some of the sexiest he's ever looked on screen. I know, I want to put on, I want a bar chart or like a scale of Keanu from shortest to longest hair by film performance on like a visual spectrum. So like, is this the shortest or has Keanu gone like full like to the scalp shaved before? I would guess so. in the matrix when we get sort of the dichotomy of what he looks like. he's had it shorter. When he comes out of the goo.

he's fully bald when he comes out of the goo. He's bald, yeah, that's true. So we do see him bald there. So that output on the bald end, and then week he's got the longest hair, maybe like the newer John Wicks where he's got the beard, the goatee. John Wicks. Yeah, Okay, this will be a personal project for me to do a visual spectrum of Keanu Reeves hair. I I would actually really love to see that. yeah, this paired with the fact that the entire movie is just him sweating, grunting, yelling directions.

and having sexual chemistry with Miss Sandy. my God. The entire thing just convinced me that he's the man that would talk you through it. Because that's the whole movie. my God. The only cop I don't hate is Keanu Reeves in Speed. Yeah, because my pants are already down.

He's not even on my, like in a mile, like if he walked in to a mile radius of me, it's like, you know, when they have like, like in a cartoon. it was like in the cartoon with like the comically big magnet and it just pulls the belt buckle in the pants off. I don't know what it is. I do know what it is actually. I'm Tex Avery, the wolf, like my jaw drops and my eyes turn into hearts, you know, like it's that energy. I can't.

I started this and I was like, no way. He's a fucking cop in this, no way. And the whole time he's like, no, I'm actually the chillest cop who doesn't play by the rules. his police- He's Qui-Gon Jinn. That's who he is in this movie. Literally. He's cop Qui-Gon Jinn. Cop Qui-Gon Jinn, that's so true. he's- He is cool as a cucumber the entire time, my God, chillin'.

The SWAMP (22:02.966)
So he says he's LAPD, but he seems to only work on bomb defusing assignments. So maybe he is like, he's the bomb guy or something. Yeah, bomb squad. Bomb squad. And that's why he's so chill because he's not out on the street like shooting dogs and stuff. Like all the other cops, right? Of course. while on the one hand we have Keanu Reeves looking his sexiest, Sandra Bullock also looks her sexiest.

but they said, what if we put her in a wig? What if we her she be a beast, so we callin' you Bob. They're like, let's give her a fuck ass Bob. They were like, yeah, literally, literally. They were like, what if we took two of the hottest people and let's give them two of the biggest things to overcome for an audience, is he's a cop, which in the 90s, sure, that didn't mean anything, but now, okay, he's a cop, and then they put beautiful, beautiful Sandy in the most

fucked up Bob I've ever seen in my life. I think That's way, Dora. my It's gonna be Dora the Explorer. I think it's worse than the blind side. And the blind side is pretty bad. But at least it tells me something about her character. Why? my God. I feel like I should dox the hair and makeup person that did this.

Full government name, address, social security, back into the mic. I'm calling you up for this wig. Cause that's, that was fucking cruel. They're like, she's too hot. They're like, she would never be just a normal LA resident riding the bus. She's too hot. We gotta give her a fucked haircut. Is this just what you had to do to like show that someone was getting their master's degree in the 90s? Is that what They're like, she's a working girl. They're like, she's working class. She killed a nice hair. Fucked, botched. They're like, how?

logically get Sandra, someone who looks like Sandra Bullock, onto a public transit city bus. Yeah, literally. Gotta fuck up her hair first. I started this recording and then we began gossiping about people and using their full government names. So I'm restarting. Hey, what's up? Hi Jen, how are you? I'm good.

The SWAMP (24:19.554)
Dennis here, she's my mom. She comes in halfway through the show to host her interim podcast segment, Chocolate or Vanilla. She says two things and we all just say which one we like better. It's a hoot, it's a romp. You get to say your opinion. Play along at home. If you're listening, just, you know, just shout out, shout out into the void, you know, say things that you like. It's, it's important, but it's also important to make decisions, you know, being decisive. That's what this is all about here. I hear those actually. Whenever, whenever you answer.

It comes to me in a whisper, like I'm sitting at my desk putting in things in my Excel spreadsheet and then I just hear, Tom Petty. And I'm like. You're like, yes, one point for me. Every time somebody like really proudly says vanilla along with you who has to say it by yourself every week on this podcast, it's like you get like XP. You start to growl a little bit. huh. Exactly. Well, Jen, is there a theme this week? There is a theme.

These are Keanu Reeves movies versus Sandra Bullock's movies. perfect. it. Okay. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. I'm back to vanilla this week. Yeah, I'm going to go vanilla. Nice. We vanilla birthday cake at work today and it was good. yeah. First one is Always Be My Maybe or The Lost City. Always Be My Maybe.

Keanu Reeves? He played himself? He does like in... my god! The Netflix movie! very fun cameo. I like that one. Yes! now that you're saying that, I actually think I made you watch that during the pandemic, Jen, because I was like, I think this is a rom-com that you would really like, because I was like really pleasantly surprised by it. Specifically, the Keanu Reeves playing himself and being an asshole bit in the middle. So funny. What was the Sandra Bullock option? I'm actually not quite versed in her repertoire.

The Last City, which is a Netflix movie where she plays a romance author stuck on an island with Channing Tatum. yeah, I remember that. Yes, that was at South by Southwest the year I got to go. So there was like a lot of stuff for that, recall. But Always Be My Maybe, shout that out. It's on Netflix. If you like rom-coms, it's like a well-written, it's like a tight 90 minutes. It's a lot of fun. That one is fun. A good, yeah, like a easy, fun watch kind of movie.

The SWAMP (26:39.764)
Yeah, I'm definitely jumping on that train with you. Always be my baby. I like that. Yeah, same for the sweep. Next one, Bram Stoker's Dracula or Practical Magic? So Keanu as a vampire or Sandra as a witch. Who directed Bram Stoker's Dracula? Was that Francis Ford Coppola? I didn't know that Keanu Reeves plays Dracula. That's hot. I should get into that. I should watch that. It is.

Directed, it is Coppola, I fucking lied, Jesus. I felt that in my soul. Yeah, I'll pick that one. I should probably watch that. I'm in a vampire era right now, so I should be watching. phenomenal. Yeah, I should watch that one. And actually it's Gary Oldman who's.

Count Dracula, think Kevin Reeves is just one or the other. Unfortunately, yes, I did Unfortunately, now I've lost all interest, actually. I couldn't give less of a shit. Well, I wanna see what Keanu Reeves looks like in this. Cause Practical Magic was fine. Practical Magic, will have to shout out Nicole Kidman's wake, as always. true, true. One of her better wake moments. Of course he's still hot in it. I'll give it to him in this.

I'll go Practical Magic. I didn't realize that was Cold Blood, Jesus. Next one is Toy Story 4 or the Minions? a little sellout. Keanu needed a vacation home, so he was in... Who was he in Toy Story 4? Was he the fucking Fork? Was he Spork? I think he was the Spork. No way. No way was he the Spork. That would be crazy. Why does Keanu Reeves need to be the Spork? Riddle me that.

But also who is Sandra Bullock in the Minions? Is she a minion? I think she's like a villain. I wish she was a minion. like that. No, wish. I would actually love to learn that Sandra Bullock voices the minion who says, banana. I'll have you know that Tony Hale, who plays Gary in Veep and also he's in Arrested Development, voices Forky. thank God. And Keanu Reeves is like the evil, Knievel guy. OK.

The SWAMP (28:50.53)
Yeah, Duke Kaboom or whatever that is. Emily recently got me onto Veep in this post-election. It's feeling a little too real, but it's helping me laugh a lot. So I'll shout out to Veep and therefore I will shout out Toy Story 4. I'm gonna go Minions on this one. I do think that one's a far more iconic role. And I think it is also technically the role that made her the most money. In her life?

I think from like A-Roll, yes. Wow. I could be so wrong. That's coming from, you know where that's coming from, is the new Google AI feature. I hate Google AI. Which you literally cannot get rid of if you want to like turn it off. So that's, yeah, that's, take that one how you will. it because it knows my question. It answers it perfectly.

Exactly. It's fucked. No, but it's also you're like, already typed the question in, so I'm willing to sift through the results. Like, give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm willing to do a little bit of work here. Come on, Google. Also, can whenever I do that. Do you know how much more I learn? Oftentimes. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's so true. That's so true. I actually I didn't want to like botch the statistics. I'm pulling it up on my Instagram, but I saw IO Debris reposted today something about how every

Every chat GPT is like dumping out a bottle of water. Every time you run a query through chat GPT, it is the equivalent of dumping out a bottle of water or maybe it's every 10 queries or something. Something like that. It's gonna cause a water crisis. Sorry to get on my soap box in the middle of chocolate or vanilla. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We should be getting on a soap box. Don't make yourself look like a fucking fairy princess mermaid. Again, IOD reset it best. Pay some freaks $6 on the internet to do that for you, right? Like, find.

find someone to do it for you, find some Some poor local artists. Right. And also just, it's scary. It's No, it's fucked. Let's all choose to stop. Can we stop it right now? Can I press a big red button to make it all go away? And we're done. I will go with Toy Story 4 anyway. cause I'm not a minion girl and I've never seen any bit of any of those movies. Fair enough. Yeah. next one is my own private Idaho or bird box.

The SWAMP (31:15.046)
I've never seen my own Private Idaho, but it's certainly been on my list for a while. But it's really sad, right? think I just have been holding it off because I know it's really sad. But Bird Box was like really a cultural moment. And in the senseless horror canon, as in we will remove one of the senses and do a horror about that, I would say it stacks about in the middle. But I feel like as far as impactful art, I'm going to give it to my Private Idaho, even though I've

never seen that, but I think that movie was probably doing a little bit more. I don't know. Yeah, I have to get, I haven't seen either of these movies, but I do have to, yeah, follow my heart. And I also agree. think my own Private Idaho probably gives a bit more. And I think it's probably one of, I'm going to have to assume it's one of Keanu's more heartfelt and touching performances. Kind of gritty. Yeah. Yeah. I will go with my own Private Idaho also.

RIP River Phoenix. Next one, Parenthood or Miss Congeniality? Miss Congeniality is a near perfect film. There's hardly a thing wrong about that movie. What's what did you say Keanu Reeves was saying? Parenthood, Parenthood the movie. Parenthood? Don't know her. You never heard of Parenthood the movie and then it was a TV series. So the movie was Steve Martin.

Mary Steenburgen probably. then Keanu Reeves played like their kind of son-in-law. And then like the family is just a family movie. then- It sounds familiar. It sounds very familiar. And then the TV show was like Lauren Graham and like- Yeah. Okay. I'm looking at pictures. This is ringing a bell now. Steve Martin holding up two kids by their ankles. Yeah. of, yeah. Okay. Work. Yeah.

I'm gonna go Miss Congeniality. I have never seen either of these movies though, so. Miss Congeniality's great. It's a great, like, I hate to use chick flick, but it's like, know, good, it's, cause it's not really a rom-com, but it's a chick flick, you know? Yeah, yeah. it's fun. It's just one of those ones that I feel like I missed out on it when I was 14, so now I don't know if I'll ever watch it, so. Yeah, yeah, you didn't do a face mask, got to sleepover and watch it at just the right time. You get it, you get it. Yeah, it's worth the watch, it's worth the watch.

The SWAMP (33:39.342)
Next one, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure or Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood? What is Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood? I'm intrigued! It's a book. It's like, you you call your grandmother Yaya in Greek, right? It's just a big Greek family. Yeah, that type of thing.

Sure, I'll go for the Yaya Sisterhood. That sounds like a romp. I will go Bill and Ted all the way. Yeah, absolutely. I've never seen Bill and Ted. Is that worth watching? It's so dumb, but yes, it's fun. Yeah, I'll go with Bill and Ted. Next one is The Replacements or Blindside? two football movies.

The household I grew up in canonically loves the replacement. So I simply must be picking that one in order to maintain my position as Jen's daughter. But I also didn't really, I don't really like the blind side. I don't really like white savior movies. I didn't really like the whole cultural conversation around the blind side at the time. I felt like it was really, I don't know, sort of misconstrued and like, I don't know. That whole thing, white savior women's story, just lame, boring. Don't care for it.

I'll go for the replacement, even though I have literally no idea what that is. So they replace all the players on the football team because they're what go on strike or something. Yeah. The NFL goes on strike. So they have to field a team of replacement players. Nice. It's hysterical. Number seven on your program. Shane Falco. Number one in my heart. Shane Falco. Yeah. It's a nice hot sort of point break era role for Mr. Reeves. Great.

Obviously, I would say replacements. did Sandra Bullock win Best Actress for Blindside, I think? Yeah, yeah. I just thought it was like very math performance. Next one, Point Break or Oceans 8? Point Break surfing movie, Oceans 8, remake of Oceans 11 where Sandra Bullock girl bosses her way into crime. I've never seen Point Break, but everyone says it's like really like Keanu Reeves being hot and surfing. So I'm sure I would love it.

The SWAMP (35:54.072)
But I think I have to pick Ocean's Eight because Rihanna's in that movie and that's why I went to go see it for her and she delivered. It does seem like a fun movie. It was pretty fun. I remember having a good time in the theater while I saw it but then never thinking about it even once ever again after that really. kind want that though. Maybe I'll watch that after this. Aqua Fina is in it just to give you that. Fuck, nevermind, point break. I will say.

Point break. Keanu Reeves played Johnny Utah in that, and RIP Patrick Swayze too. And then, The Oceans. I think I would like them, but all of them I think I would like, because I love a good ensemble cast, but I've never seen any of them. Yeah. Next one, Constantine or Demolition Man? my god.

These are two awful movies that were on my awful movie list for this month that Emily did veto both of them. Sorry. What was Constantine? Constantine is like a, is it Marvel? It's like a, it's like a old, like 2004 Marvel movie. Tilda Swinton plays Gabriel the angel. It's honestly, it's kind of absurd. It's not a good movie, but it's just sort of like, this weird, weird vision that they have. And I guess Henry really likes Constantine, like the source material, the comics, but he thinks that the movie is like,

a hilarious representation of this really good thing. So I don't know, he's into it. But- Wait, I love the way that sounds though. Maybe we'll do Constantine next week then. This just turns into create Keanu Reeves month. Keanu Reeves month, right? But Demolition Man I also think is so fun to watch if you've never seen. It's like this 90s Sandra Bullock, who's Rocky? Sylvester Stallone. And Wesley Snipes. And it's like the future, but they like, it's the 90s version of the future. like-

It's very, know, spy kids. like press the button and Taco Bell comes out kind of version of the future. Like the McDonald's play place of the future version. Love that version. That's my favorite version. That sort of energy about the future is all of Demolition Man. It's just like a dumpster fire, but it's fucking hilarious. So honestly, ooh, that stuff, I will pick Demolition Man because I think that's more of a fun bad movie to watch. But Constantine's also.

The SWAMP (38:08.632)
Pretty hilarious. I like the sound of Constantine. I'm really intrigued by that. Demolition Man, yeah, you did try to sell me on that for this one. So I definitely want to watch it eventually, but I think I'll Constantine on this one because that definitely has perked my interest. I will go with Demolition Man because I didn't see Constantine. Next one, John Wick or A Time to Kill?

I've never seen John Wick and I really think I should because I think I'd like it a lot because I like action movies. like Keanu The count is high. Right? Yeah, I like a little bit of gratuitous violence. A Time to Kill is, I think, pound for pound, bucket for bucket, the sweatiest movie ever put to film. It's about this like deep South courthouse and the whole time Matthew McConaughey has like a

dewy bead of sweat on the tip of his nose that's just about to fall off. That's how fucking sweaty this man is the whole goddamn time. Everyone's wet, slicked up. It's how, that's another, I mean, you can't say it's so bad it's good, because it is about like a pretty real and serious issue that it's upsetting. So it's like hard to make fun of, which is tough for this podcast, because we're usually pretty silly. And it's like talking about child rape is pretty upsetting. anyways, A Time to Kill, really sweaty movie. I'll pick that one.

God. What was my other option? John Wick? John Wick? John Wick. I'm ready to go John Wick. I think they're making John Wick six right now. I hope so.

I love that he can just do one of those once a year and call it a day. I have heard also that he is phenomenal to work with. He's like really good to the staff and stuff like that. he's, I've heard he's the nicest man on the face of the planet. I've heard the same. Yeah, which is why he plays himself and always be my maybe and plays an asshole. It's like such a joke because it's like, he's so great in real life. He would never really be like this, which is like why it works, I guess. Last one.

The SWAMP (40:07.99)
Matrix or gravity? Matrix. easy. my gosh. Gravity is rough. Gravity is rough. I had my first kiss at the movie theater during a showing of Gravity. Emily was there, I'm pretty sure. Present. Emily was on the other side. Emily was sitting between us.

Yeah, we kissed across Emily's lap, actually. Thank God for the signature recliner. But it was like Sandra Bullock just like panting in space. It was like, I'm kind of bored. Are you kind of bored? Like, you just want to kiss or something? Like this movie fucking sucks. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, obviously the Matrix. Yeah, Neo for this week.

So that is it for Keanu versus Sandra. Which honestly, an actor V actor that you've done, this is pretty tough because these are two people with a discography to pit up against each other. pretty deep and they're both like, again, came up around the same time. So. And booked and busy. Like they do good movies, they do bad movies. They everything They are getting that check though, that's for sure. And I've seen a lot of them, but I was pretty sure that there were a lot that I had seen that you guys had.

I've realized that I have not seen much of Sandra's work, honestly. Yeah, she kind of is a middle of the road kind of gal for me. She never really does it for me in a way that I'm like, I need to seek out her other work. But she's not bad. I'm not bothered by her performance. It's always passable. yeah, she's just not a... I think it's maybe how she gets typecast a lot as well. I won't put that all on Sandra. Absolutely. And also, you said, the time in which she came up as an actress was very like that she had to be that sort of

90s early 2000s leading lady, which is always not the most like interesting or progressive. But that is not Sandra's fault. So thank you Jen, as always for being here and asking us questions. We love you and we'll see you next week. I love you guys. an awesome night. Bye Jen. I love you. I was obsessed with Sam the bus driver when he got shot. I felt it. I felt it.

The SWAMP (42:22.742)
in my soul because I was like, can't believe they shot Sam the bus driver left the rapport between Miss Sandy and Sam. I was willing to suspend my disbelief that Sandra Bullock rides this bus every day and knows everyone's name on the bus because she rides it every day. But I'm like, it's L.A., babe. You're not going to know the names of not the same people are riding the same fucking bus every goddamn day. Like maybe you see two or three of your regular commute at the same time, people. But.

I was like, no, she's, she's, hey Ortiz. hey Sam. Like she knows every goddamn one of them. No. Okay, city girl. I see you, whatever. I get we're establishing the character, but I did like the report between her and the bus driver though. I did like that. To be fair, we can't speak to whatever the LA transit system was in the nineties because this movie must've done irreparable damage to it. Cause where the fuck is LA's subways? I know they have them. They don't get fucking used.

This is the first time I've ever seen an LA subway depicted on my screen. Well, it was a bus. It wasn't even a, it wasn't a train car. There is the subway at the end. What are you talking about? Okay, yes, yes. a bus in the film. No, no, no. Which, be fair, to be fair, LA is also not utilizing their buses enough. I'm willing to bet. that was, fuck ass highways. Does LA have an underground transit system at I think so.

Did they make that up for this movie? No, think LA does. I think it's just probably bad. That's wild. Does Los Angeles have a subway system?

The SWAMP (44:05.358)
Let's see what Google AI says. The Angeles Metro has several subway lines. Interesting, interesting. Yeah. So hold on. Let me find a picture of it. I want to see it. Yeah, I did like the representation in this movie of how fucked the LA highway system is because truly I'm not a well-traveled woman, so I cannot speak to it. But driving around in California is some of the most fucked-ass shit I've ever done in my life.

Nine lane highways that they're like, okay, take the next exit. And you're like, have to get over nine lanes. And then you take the exit and then they're like, take the next exit. That's 3.2 miles. And you have to get over another nine lanes. And you do that again and again and again until you get to where you need to go. I kill myself. You drive on a highway for less than three miles, 10 separate times and getting on and off. It's awful. It's whoever designed it needs to be publicly shamed because it's- would rather.

drive through the North End on fucking like St. Patrick's Day or some shit like that, then ever have to do that. That sounds disgusting. Yeah, driving in LA sucks. I've only really driven from the LA to San Diego area. So like the southern part of California. Scary. So I don't have to, yeah, I don't have too much worldly experience, but yeah, LA traffic notably sucks. And I like that they kind of made fun of.

where they're like, the bus has to keep going 50, but there's like nowhere for to go and the highway is literally ending. And they're like, the bus has to jump because they forgot to build the rest of the highway. more. Yeah. my God. Girl, a bridge behind you. I think this is the movie that I would say that someone needs to watch if they wanted to like understand the 90s as a culturally like relevant space.

You know what I mean? I think it's just the whole like, there's no real issue. It's just some guy that wants like, you know, it's the, it's the, it's the old like guy who wants revenge for like his one finger missing. It's like, there's nothing wrong.

The SWAMP (46:21.558)
Yeah, this problem is entirely fabricated and would never play out in real life, but we needed to create some weird, vague stakes in order to do this really cool bus thing. We gotta make the bus go fast, so we just gotta figure out any of the filler stuff. Yeah, why not? Yeah, they didn't have all the war movies that the early 2000s generated for us in the teens, you know what I mean?

So they really had to start thinking of stuff on the fly and being like, shit, we gotta come up with a new movie. It's gotta be action. There's no war. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? A bus! I know, this villain is so vaguely underdeveloped. He's like a former- nothing. He's like a former cop who's mad that he-

got disabled on the job and like doesn't receive the proper like support obviously, which is like a very real story, but they don't even really extrapolate it in that way of like it being a big systemic issue. Is that they're just like, he's also just old and crazy and wants money. And so it's so like that's the point. But honestly, I'm kind of willing to look past it because I don't really need too much motivation from his end because once he puts the bomb on the bus, sort of like, well, we're on the bus. So we just gotta, we gotta roll with it. And the pacing of this movie,

should be studied in cinema school. If you are a screenwriter, you should watch Speed to figure out how to pace your fucking movie. It is the perfectly angled, just increase the entire time. My only qualm I would say was that there was like the fake out ending where they get off the bus, but then Sandra Bullock is standing outside and the bad guy sort of coerces her into taking her away. it though.

The 90s of it all, it makes me less mad about it. If that happened today, then I would be rolling my eyes a bit more. Yeah, and the movie, the whole movie is never taking itself seriously really at any point, which is why I'm down to have a really good time with it. Because like you said, they just sort of fabricated this weird other non-issue to deal with. Like we're not really dealing with anything too heavy other than like human lives at stake. They're like, what if we just did the trolley problem 90 times?

The SWAMP (48:31.822)
in a row at 100 miles per hour. What if we just did that? They were like, we the trolley problem and she hits the baby, but it's cans. And then they're like, yeah, that's 10 whole minutes right there. Hey, hey, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna do it again an hour and a half later, but instead of the cans and the baby, it's gonna be the buzz and the plane. Yeah, yeah. It's amazing. It's amazing. And it's so stupid. I love it.

And on paper, all that stuff would piss me off so bad, but for some reason, like while I was watching it, I was like, and the baby's cans, huzzah. It's also Keanu Reeves, and I don't think I realized this, and this is probably because I haven't watched a lot of Keanu Reeves movies, he's not a good actor. Mind you, this is not good writing. Well, that part. But I spoke to someone the other day and they were like, yeah, he's not like.

known for being a great actor. I didn't realize. I know he's the action movie guy, but I thought he could hold his own. This one's pretty rough. Pretty rough. great. yeah. Like you said, bad writing, sort of a bad concept. writing. Not right. I'm sure he didn't really get in a good direction. They were kind of like to show up and be that guy. they just made him like... I think part of it was like him just being himself. I think he's just a pretty stoic person. And this character was...

on the more stoic side, except for when they wrote cheesy, of charming dialogue between him and Sandy. Mm-hmm. You know? He also does a lot of his own stunts as well, which I think is why he's sort of cornered as an action guy, that's really what you need in an action star. It's naturally charismatic, hot, and likable, fundamentally. Willing to do the stoic, serious thing, because that's what lot of action guys kind of need to put up.

the front where we then get to crack through and see a little vulnerability, but not too much. And then a hot built fit man who does his own stunts. Done. This needs to be great This is what I want. Not fucking Ryan Reynolds. Get him off my screen. Yeah, right. That guy's too chummy. He's not saving anyone. He's not helping people. No, he's like, he's doing a podcast. That guy in real life is like, he's doing insider trading. Ugh.

The SWAMP (50:49.23)
and like doing coke with 21 year olds. Right. Yeah. Ryan Reynolds, ick. This is anti-he's not a friend of the my God. Well, can we also talk about fucking the John Krasinski sexiest man thing, which is obviously like people's sexiest man is like croc and bullshit, but it's fun. I've heard, I read online. don't know if it's true. I've read online that- this too.

much like the Super Bowl, he paid. You have to pay and put up a front. And if they ask Glenn Powell to do it, and he's like, I'm not really in a position to be paying. He was just kind of like, no, no. I don't think it's that they generally pay. I think that John Krasinski just wanted to be it so bad that he was Because people are losing interest. Yeah, because no one gives a shit, because he wrote, I mean, he stole one good movie. That was it.

What, a silent, a quiet place? Why did I feel like he like... Did he steal that? I thought he and his wife like wrote it together. Maybe they, I don't know. Maybe I'm totally, I'm probably talking entirely out of my ass, but I feel like there was something sketchy about that whole thing. I'm probably talking out of my ass though. So please tell me I'm wrong if I am. But yeah, he literally like put up money because he needed to be their sexy man. And they were like, Glenn Powell, please be ours.

No. interesting. So people online say that it is eerily similar to a book called The Silence. Sure. Which is like maybe they ripped the idea from somewhere and didn't like directly credit the source material or something. OK, then never mind. I'm I'm being a dick. But but if you'd like to follow us on the new app.

Blue Sky, I've recently declared that the Dunkin' Donuts bacon egg and cheese on a plain bagel from the movie Challengers split between the desk lady and Patrick Zweig is the sexiest man of the year. That Dunkin' sandwich, the way he looks at that Dunkin' sandwich, that was the sexiest man of the year was Miss Dunkin'. I have to agree. The worm from Dune, that's hotter than John Krasinski. Yeah, honestly. Baron Harkonnen, literally Baron Harkonnen from Dune is hotter than John Krasinski.

The SWAMP (53:05.798)
God, brutal. Yeah, I don't know. I will say this movie, I went to the Museum of Bad Art recently in Boston. It's basically in a brewery. It's been there for like since the 90s. But the whole thing is that in order to qualify, it has to be like a true and earnest and real attempt to make something beautiful.

And this is exactly what it feels like to me because that trip was one of the most fun times I've had in our art gallery and that is exactly what this movie is. Yeah, and that's what we are trying to bring with the So Bad It's Good thing, which I think this then I'm gonna then retroactively take back my statement from earlier because I do think this movie qualifies because I do think at face value, it does seem quite bad. Yet it is an entirely nothing but enjoyable watching experience.

But truly to me, the core of a bad, bad, but good movie is that it does have to be fundamentally very bad. Whereas this movie was fundamentally passable, but then it was so much fun, just like sheer pro-shit concept. Action, buses. I'm like, I don't need it to be good. No. Yeah. But yeah, the thing that brought me the wrong way the most was the dialogue.

the writing, really, did not like the whole, don't you know, relationships that start under intense circumstances usually don't work out. well then we'll just have to base ours on sex then. Like, ugh, I just hate when people in movies talk in that incredibly canned and just like corny way. It feels unreal. The only thing saving it is the sheer chemistry between those two people. gonna say this was I believe what they're saying. believe what they're saying. I, cause I.

Typically, I would totally agree with you and I would be like, this is shit, this is garbage. And if like, I'm gonna bring him up again because this is the perfect example. I think, and this is a hot take from what I've heard, that the proposal is dog shit. We covered the proposal. Did you think it was dog shit? Well, yes. Yes. And you know why? You know why? Because Sandy and Ryan Reynolds chemistry is dog shit.

The SWAMP (55:25.55)
Okay. If Keanu Reeves and her were playing opposite each other in that movie, it would be a 10 out of 10. Just knocked out of the park across the board. Okay. But he's not, it's dog shit. Those two in this movie with those shit ass, fuck ass lines. They made it work. Still pants off. No, I think this movie is sort of the perfect storm of like bad concept.

Not bad concept, but you know, kind of whack, whack concept. Pretty awful writing. I'm pretty sure was they were had not enough budget either, because I read somewhere that they. eight million dollars that they shot a bunch of the movies. But then for the action sequences, they just showed the storyboard. And so then in like screen testing with audiences, they would show the movie. But then like the scenes where the bus would crash, they would just show a picture of a crashing bus. And they loved it so much that I think they like.

got the funding to do the extra shoots for the big explosion scenes because of how much people loved it. They said specifically that in test screenings, people would be walking backwards out to the bathroom so that they didn't miss anything. And they said like, that is the sign of a blockbuster. Like there's no better sign in a test screening. this do?

Amazing. I think it made like $300 million. I think it was an insane success, which is why they have the slow boat sequel. You cannot get a slow boat sequel if your original, if your source material is not fire. If your source material does not make a hundred billion dollars. Clock me. Give me that number. Tell me I'm close. I'm going to guess like, I'm going to guess that the, you said the budget was in the thirties. I'm going to guess that it did 300 in the nineties.

You are fucking right on the money, dude. $350 million worldwide against a budget of $30 to $37 million. Yeah, they did not have a lot of money to do a lot of those stunts and stuff. I did the math on that. yes, shoestring budget in the 90s, still today, it equals out to about $59 million. Still nothing to make a movie, especially a fucking action movie like that.

The SWAMP (57:42.368)
Mm-hmm. And I think they did a lot of the stunts and stuff practically, was a cost saver, which also makes the movie better. I just about 90 % of it. mean, if not, yeah, more. can't think of any use of CGI that was really like jarring to me. think we're still in that sweet... explosions a little bit maybe, but little bit, but not like anything crazy. Yeah, like I think like we're still in that sweet spot of the 90s where CGI didn't fuck us yet.

Well, yes, and filmmakers had to be creative and innovative in their filmmaking to make stuff look interesting and good. The baby has to be Cans and then the cans fly up in the air and we get the effect and it's maybe not as effective as whatever. But still, the subway fly out of the ground and go scuttling across the Los Angeles street, pretty fucking sick.

Mostly just because I hate the Los Angeles transit system and I'm glad to see it torn to shreds. Should we get into our regularly scheduled for this? Yes. So I think- Mary Kayle. Fuck Mary Kayle. Let's do, what even I think we just have to- What are these characters' names even? Jack Traven, that's Tiana Reeves. Fucking, who is Sandra Bullock? Annie.

Annie Porter. And then do we, I meant to ask you about your fave, jump scare Cameron from fucking Ferris Bueller's. my God. Yes. Jump scare Alan Rock. You love that man. I love when he gets to pop and be his annoying ass. Yes. He gets so typecasted. It's sad, but I love Alan Rock. my God. RIP to Connor.

Did he die? didn't watch that show. No, no, no, no, no. He's just, he's so funny and he's so good. I love it. I just know his character tries to run for president, right? Yes. That's hilarious. Yeah, that's so fucking funny. It's truly. So I feel like we should do the, I mean, obviously Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, and then like, who's the third? Like the bad Well, have to just do the hottest person. No, because we need to actually give ourselves a challenge here. know.

The SWAMP (01:00:05.448)
And not just make, we need something that's either going to be like morally hard to get rid of or Sam. I did love Sam. I did love Sam the bus driver. I do think I would be marrying him. I'll kill Keanu because he's a still cop and Sandra Bullock. Well, fuck. Done.

I'm gonna lavender marriage Sam. Work. And that's gonna be great for us. Kill Sandy, fuck Keanu. Truly, he has never looked better. Yeah, that is true. And that fuck-ass Bob has never done her dirty. I'm honestly putting her out of her misery. I'm gonna make her take that wig off before we get down to business. I'm gonna say, babe, you can be vulnerable with me. You can take your wig off. Leave the bald cap on. it's my preference, actually.

And then you're hosting a little speed party. Not what it sounds like, but what are you going to eat and drink? I specifically was thinking speed, speed eating, speed eating hot dogs. should pull up some YouTube clips. This also works as your follow up film. If you want to pull up some clips of the American treasure that is Joey Chestnut, is, I believe the current

and always reigning world champion for hot dog eating. And it's to the point now where he goes to these competitions just to beat his own record. his, you know, if it's 53 hot dogs in 10 minutes, he wants to do 54 and anyone else is even lucky if they even come fucking close. And he shows up to just break his own record and it's disgusting and sweaty and everyone's like cheering. Like it's just the greatest fucking thing. I can get down with that more than I can like American football and shit, you know?

Cause that's like on a day, right? That's not Thanksgiving, right? Maybe, I don't know. That's like a thing though, right? There's like the big Nathan's hot dog eating contest. yes. Is it Thanksgiving? It's not Thanksgiving. We get the dog show and the parade. When's the hot July 4th, duh. yeah, like a fucking idiot. Yeah, of course. So I think you should just make an insane amount of hot dogs and tell your friends that this is a challenge. crazy.

The SWAMP (01:02:30.094)
Then not only is this encouraged, but this is a challenge. I mean, think that's exactly what you should do because, I mean, Jack challenged the hell out of himself and this is the least you can do. Pay some fucking respects. You can be setting a pace of one hot dog per act of this film, Easily. Or maybe every time a bomb goes off, you have to finish your hot dog. That's good. Every time there's an explosion, you need to finish your hot dog and start a new hot dog. I like that.

Yeah. Okay. And of course the only logical thing that you can be drinking when you're doing hot dogs is water. cannot be, you could maybe do like a nice Coke if that's what you like, a good soda. A nice cold can of Coke or something. I mean, it's like the whole thing of, have you seen that challenge where it's like the 999 challenge or whatever and people go, what they do is they go to a baseball game and this is probably the wrong name for it, but you go and you eat a hot dog and drink a beer.

Every inning. So nine. And I'll tell you what, those innings are quick these days. Really? They keep it tight? Because of pandemic? No, pitch clock. I learned this over the summer. Yeah. So I guess like the thing that held up the games was like all the times the pitchers could take it the mound. There's more things than that, but that's just one of them. But so now it's like they have like a 30 second timer basically. So they have to like be continually pitching.

Those innings can be done in 10 minutes. my God. Well, I mean, and realistically, you should be able to do a hot dog and a beer in 10 minutes if you're not a fucking slow seed. but once you get to the fourth one. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's slowing down. the last time I engaged with any sort of professional sports was you brought me to a minor league baseball game. We paid the entry fee of like six bucks to get in. We got in there. We got hot doffed.

We got hot dogs, ate the hot dogs, and then we left. It was a cover fee to get hot dogs. Yeah, it was like 10 bucks. Amazing. My food and drink is not hot dogs. However, it is close because I think that there is a right answer for this movie and this is a fucking Nacho movie. yeah. Easily. Through and through Nacho movie.

The SWAMP (01:04:44.302)
And then obviously it's called Speed. So I said I need to put Red Bull into whatever drink I'm making. And this is called a Blue Bull. It's an ounce of 151, an ounce of a citrus vodka, an ounce of blue curacao, two ounces of sweet and sour. And then, so you just put that in the bottom and then you top it with the Red Bull, one of those. And I think, yeah, you call it a day on that. Easy peasy.

I am not an energy drink consumer. Really, by any means, I'll drink a Yerba Monte on occasion. Love a Yerba. Love a Yerba. I'm not, don't like monsters or Red Bulls. It's just not, I don't drink a lot of soda either. It's just not my preference. But Red Bull, Henry likes them, my husband. So I buy them when we're out, because he'll be like, can you get me some Red Bulls so I can, you know, on my commute to work or whatever. I'm curious if you're about to say what I think you're going to say. Some of the newer Red Bull flavors that they have. Is it the frozen berry?

artisanal as fuck. I haven't tried them, but just being in the aisle looking iced vanilla berry, fucking juniper berry, I on my way to your house the other day. Wild. The frozen vanilla berry, whatever, phenomenal. So good. How was it? It was good. Love it. Yeah. I unfortunately am a, I wouldn't say I'm like a staunch.

energy drink consumer, but when I need that extra kick, I will go for a Yerb or a Celsius or a Red Bull if I really want the sugar. I just, asked him, I was like, what kind, like, you want me to get you Red Bulls? What kind? He's like, the red ones. And then I was like red and I was like looking at the flavors and I was like, Strawberry, watermelon or whatever? What do fucking mean? Strawberry, apricot or juniper berry? my god, these are.

The strawberry apricot is good. Artisanal as red bull flavors, little did I know. yeah, dog. They've really expanded the market in the last couple of years. Interesting. Just not something I've really ever paid attention to. I enjoy them and they're just nice before, especially when you're young and going out. I pregame my pregame with the red bull. Yeah. Wow, that's beautiful. You should be a copywriter. I pregame my pregame with the strawberry apricot red bull.

The SWAMP (01:07:07.31)
And I pregame Face Off by watching Speed. Yeah, Speed. Okay, that totally makes sense. Actually, that's a way better version of my answer, which was Conair. I just wanted to fuck shit. Yeah, that takes the action movie concept to a truly absurd point. Yeah, this is like a crazy place. This crazy action. I want the weird shit. Let's get weird with it next. Yes, surreal. Face Off is the correct answer. Yeah, yeah.

the stroking of the face. What did you say? Conair? Conair, yeah. That's another like a bad, kind of good 90s action movie where it's just sort of a cast of characters who play criminals who are going to take over this plane that's transporting them. And Nicolas Cage is also there. of course. Nicolas Cage is sort of the king of the bad, but good action movie. course, yeah. Conair, it sort of gives me the same, you know, hijacking of a vehicle.

in a tense circumstance with some governmental legal entity being an oversight figure in some capacity. I don't know, it's same vibes. Conair, speed, it's the same genre. And I was like, kind of want to see freaking John Malkovich just ham it up a little bit after this and he's in Conair. So that's, yeah, I guess that's what I watched. I liked the face off idea much more after though. Thank you. It just felt like it's...

It truly just feels so right. That's a movie I could watch a thousand times and never get bored of. Yeah. Ready for the big ride, baby. So good. And the boots that stick to the ground. can't get enough of face off. I want to take his face off. And then what are you going to give this movie? I'm going to give it a hard five out of ten. Yeah. Just dead in the middle. I'll give it a five as well. Yeah, I feel pretty.

down the middle about it. was expecting to really hate it and I was pleasantly surprised. Well, don't get me wrong. but if it's on, I'm not gonna be mad. Yeah, it's what I, I started this watch. I had to pay for like a free trial subscription to watch it. So I was already a little annoyed. Didn't even matter. Didn't even matter. I was thrilled by the end of it to be paying that or doing that free subscription bullshit. You gotta make sure you unsubscribe on your email. Already did. Love it.

The SWAMP (01:09:30.934)
Yeah, get that seven day free trial period, get that free watch of speed. Get out of there. Yeah. Hey, maybe they've got speed to cruise control. And you can- I hope so. that's what we should really be watching. Willem Dafoe is in the- he's the bad guy in the Shut up. And they couldn't get Keanu, so it's a different guy. Playing the love interest, but Sandra Bullock is still in it. But it's a different guy this time. my God. And they're on a slow boat. this is gonna be so good. I'm adding-

I don't know if you do it, but I play the movie grid every day. And so I'm just thrilled to know I'm picking up all these guys for my new movie grids. Guess when you gotta get the, I don't do it every day because I'm so bad at it. Because they're they're like, gone to your head, name three Alfred Hitchcock movies. And I'm like, I'm a poser. I don't know. God, I don't know. Not only can I not name three, but I can't name three within the specific categories of, you know, whatever.

Love the movie grid. I'll put that in the description below too. If you want a free online game that takes more than two brain cells, more than one brain cell, two complete, it's kind of just like, that's just that format where you fill in stuff. I don't know. It's fun. It's a fun little game. you like movies, it's a hoot and a holler. I know we've talked about it on here before, but it's a good one if you do like the New York Times mini games and stuff. It's very like that pace if you want to like get another one of those into your system. Definitely.

But luck that, shouting out apps and websites today, I guess, but also shouting those out to avoid, you know, existing or paying attention. was like, how hard can I dissociate? I was like, let me find a new app. Yeah, literally. Let me find a new corner of the internet to go fester on. somewhere else, yeah. Right. But thank you all for listening. We're talking about bad movies, but maybe there

Actually good movies. Who knows this month. That's what we're trying to find out. But as always, if you have ideas for themes or if you just have movies in general, you would like us to add to our tube cover list, please DM us. Put it in the suggestion bar in Spotify, wherever you want to reach out to us. Please do tell us a movie. Tell us why you like it. Don't tell us anything. Whatever you fucking feel like. We love that shit. We love to hear from you. yeah. love to keep little tabs on what people are...

The SWAMP (01:11:51.96)
talking about and we also have a Patreon where we talk about like newer stuff, which I think we're gonna try to see Gladiator 2 and cover that over on the Patreon. I won't say that with any certainty until we actually do it, but would love to talk about Gladiator with all of you guys. So if you go out and see it or any other new movies you've seen lately that you wanna chat about or that you really liked or whatever as award season, it's not even approaching, but the beginnings of movies maybe having a trickle of a glimmer of a chance. Like I love to.

Little Things Like These already came out, so I'm starting it. I'm saying that officially, we're off to the races. Or Small Things Like These. Small Things Like These. What is Small Things new Killian Murphy movie. Small Things Like These. I haven't heard of this. What is it about? It's about the Magdalene Laundries, which is essentially like, from my small understanding is like women's insane asylums in Ireland back in like the

Roman Catholic orders, 20th century. interesting. a 19. Yes. I didn't know about this. are people getting out a lot of hype? For awards season? It just seems like a really great performance. I know that, I think he also helped to produce it. think Matt Damon and Ben Halflick, of course, also produced it. But yeah, I think it just looks like a really good one and there has been some chatter, so.

Interesting. Yeah, they said it was a really, what's the right word? Not important, but like, it certainly stood out that this was this following role that Killian Murphy took on post-Oppenheimer Oscar win. Hmm, well, I'm a bit too grist to the movies. I go to the movie theater about once a week, so I hopefully will fit it into my busy schedule. I'll see you there.

I know, right? But yeah, we'll see all of you there at the movies or just in your phones, but that's okay too. We love you all. Thank you for listening and goodbye and good night.